Meloncholy Moods

Feeling a bit lost and pathetic ~ not sure what I want, not particularly happy, but I can't pinpoint what I need to change. I have a disturbing feeling that what I need to change is me. There's an old quote, I'm too lazy to google the original author right now, that feels appropriate. Sheryl Crow did use it in a song a couple years ago (Soak Up the Sun for those keeping track). The basic gist is - happiness isn't having what you want, it's wanting what you have.

Is it that simple? Or that hard really. If I simply accept my life as it is will that be enough to make me happy? Do I need to make a change? In myself or in what I am doing?

I can't decide if I want to fast forward things by 4 months, or rewind them by 6. Or more. Maybe if I go back far enough, I can make that one change...I even think I know what the change would be, that would alter the outcome. Of course the problem with thinking like this is I totally lose control and start seeing the interdependence of things. No linear time line changes for me, oh no. I change one thing and I change them all, don't I?

Why do I only get meta at weird hours of the morning? It's a rhetorical question I suppose, something I'm throwing out into the void...good night dear void.

Query that I once posed...when you look out into the abyss, have you ever considered that the abyss looks back into you?

Goodnight abyss. Goodnight void.

OK, so it's been a while...


And to be honest there isn't much I can say. Rather, I'm working on overload here. So much happening, so many events that triggered a strong association or memory with me. I just don't have time to write about them all.

I was in the bathroom at the co-op today, and a lady was there with her two young daughters. I waited for them to pick stalls, and the woman admonished her girls to "let the lady go first, she has to get to work."

*eep*

Yes, I was dressed in a suit (had an interview today) but "lady?" "work?" I AM NOT READY FOR THIS!

We all try to grow up so fast...bah humbug. Youth is wasted on the young...and technically I'm still young. I think.

Ok, so here's the real deal - I was getting ready this morning, spending time with my hair instead of my usual routine (be nice to the hair and hope it behaves) when I saw it. A gray hair. I found it last year, so really i shouldn't be worried, right?

This was a new one. Truly I seem to discover these within months of my birthday. I shudder to think how many more of these are around...I'm too young to be going gray. Darn heredity. I'd like to look my age for a few years here!

It sucks. Grey hair on men is distinguished. Once again, women get shafted. Grrr. To be honest if it's gonna go grey, I'd rather it was a small strip, so I had a uniform grey streak (a la Scott Bakula circa Quantum Leap). That, on the backdrop of my much darker natural color(s) would be kinda cool. Salt and pepper, not so much.

Not much I can do I suppose - I'm not ready to start dying it - if it's gonna go grey I'd like to at least keep it a healthy grey!

Off to do other things...ttfn!