Explanations and Questions

Right, so you're about to see a bunch of pictures taken with my new camera. Enjoy them, don't enjoy them, it's all good. Old close friends know there was a time when you wouldn't see me without my 35mm SLR. And then, for reasons which don't really matter anymore, I totally lost my passion for the pictures. The long dark teatime of the photographer's soul, which is too bad cause I was getting to be kinda good at it. Anyway. I have the digital variety, though I suspect in a few years I'll go get a tricked out film variety camera again.

Still, the problem remains - I need to learn how to EFFECTIVELY use PhotoShop. Anyone out there willing to spare a couple hours to teach me how to do it well?

One other thing - this has been bugging me...the way that blogger is set up, with most recent posts on the top is starting to annoy the hell out of me. It seems to refute the logical flow of things, so I gotta ask - what are others opinions of switching the the flow over so that more recent posts are on the bottom of the page as opposed to on the top? I realize that having them on the top is easier to find out if a new post has been put there...I mean at this point that's how I look at people's blogs/livejournals...but there is something to be said for the other way. What's the verdict out there? Comment please!

See the Mighty Hunter Go After His Dangerous Prey

Get that ribbon! GET IT!

Relaxing after Causing the Damage

Eliot...I love that leopard spotting on him...

See the Cute, Harmless Kitty

Aww he looks so innocent! He's also wondering what the hell that long tube pointing at him is...

...Who Has Caused Permanent Scarring

Yea...cute kitty who ended up taking a swipe at my nose. That'll teach me to let my face near those claws - yeeouch! It did lead to much apologizing on Ehren's part though...after all he's the one who took the ribbon and tossed in the general direction of my nose for Eliot to swipe at...

OK this is kinda cool - my camera has a function on it called "nightshot" and "nightframing". Basically they make the camera act like night vision goggles...in nightshot the picture actually comes out looking like it was taken in those colors - like this one here. Nightframing means you "see" it through the finder and/or LCD as if it was night vision...but the picture comes out in the usual coloring.  

Closer image, sepia with flash... 

Ok, Sepia again, this time apparently with flash 

Using the Sepia Mode on the camera... 

Have to have used the macro mode here...and holy flash batman! 

Ok, I just like this one.  

A bit of a close up...I don't think I was using the macro function, but at this point I'm not sure. 

Using no particular exciting functions...just the usual stuff. Pomegranate-mango Martinis...yum! 

I Have Absolutely Nothing To Say

...but I'm blogging anyway. I'm not sure why really. In fact this may turn into a super short post.

Enjoying the vacation, it's going to be over WAY too quickly. I need two weeks I think - one for just sleeping and one for actually doing the dumb things I gotta do. Touch the puppet head.

And major bonus points as well as some of the double fudge cake I just baked if you can get the reference I just threw in there. As a hint, it is in fact a song title. Hmm... that reminds me I should download those CDs. I have a bunch of the music on tape...but it would be nice to have it on CD as well. Plus who uses tapes anymore it seems.

I have a new digital camera. She and I are going to have loads of fun together. I'll post pictures soon...

Hmmm...what else? Hung out a bunch with Leila and Ehren - that was fun - thanks for the company guys, you kept me out of my own head which I appreciate much.

I need to get a new calendar. I want the "Endless Nights" one from Amazon.com...but somehow I can't justify spending $15 on a calendar. Maybe I'll get a cheap wall calendar...and spend the $10 on the cuddly eeyore that I want at the Disney store. Because a girl can never have too many stuffed animals. And I've always wanted my own eeyore...:)

OK, I'll stop now and wander off into the mystic. Later darlings!

In Which the Author's Geministic Duality is Re-Discovered

So, as soon as I think I have a handle on something...something goes and changes that sure knowledge. I'm attempting to hang onto that surefire piece of knowledge, it's hard though because it's making me tamp down that cool excited feeling. Still, I know it's the right thing to do...

And now onto the bit that explores my confusing dual-personality...


What's Your Outlook on Life?
brought to you by Quizilla

In Which The Author Realizes Something A Bit Too Late

I went rock climbing tonight. Got the harness rented, learned how to belay for someone...it was great.

And then I clipped in after the ppl I was with had given it a shot. And as I was clipping in, getting ready to climb (keep in mind this was an indoor place) I remembered something.

Something key.

Something I probably should have realized earlier.

This was more or less my exact thought:
Oh fuck, I'm afraid of heights...

Yep. I have been since I was a kid. Now, as the years have gone by the fear has lessened, for example, I can now sit in balcony seats and not freak out, but the basic fear is still there.

So the first time I climbed up, I only got about 50-70% up the wall before coming down. Which was actually just as frightening.

You see, to climb up, you need to look down to help you get your feet in the right place. Which is scary. But, to climb down? You need to let go of the handholds. Now this is hard because you're basically up there on a piece of rope trusting your belay-partner to lower you down. And you're trusting the anti-fall device on your equipment. And you know I have trust issues.

So, to go down you have to let go of everything, put your legs at a 90 degree angle to your body and just let yourself go down, nice and slow.

I had issues.

But, I did it. And then next time I went up the same course, and I went up all the way. Letting go was still tough, but I did it.

The third time? I went up a tougher course...and it was harder because it was frankly hard to get hand holds anywhere. I had to stop a couple of times and figure stuff out, I wasn't sure I was gonna make it. But damnit I did. And I did good. That time it was easy to let go and come down because I didn't have the strength to hold on anymore. I did good.

Granted by the end my hands were literally shaking from the exertion...but it was a good feeling.

And screw you fear of heights! I didn't let you stop me from having FUN! It was GREAT.

And then we went had dinner and went to the Tunnel a bar. We were im Northhampton.

It was great. Truly truly fun with colleagues and stuff. The two martinis were not a bad perk either (Lemon Drop martini and Green Apple martini...yum!)

Plus I tied a cherry stem into a triple knot! Rock on, and go me!!

Twelve is the New Eleven...

...except not really.

I just saw "Ocean's Twelve." So here's my spoiler-free review. It was an enjoyable movie. It's not Ocean's Eleven. That movie had this classic feel to it - which makes sense given that it was a remake of a Rat Pack movie. Having said that - I throughly enjoyed the sequel. It has a different feel to it...but I was laughing through most of it.

I don't think you're gonna miss anything if you choose to wait to see it on DVD...but if you get a chance, go check out the movie in the theatre anyway. I actually want to see it again...but I think I'll wait for the DVD.

Saw a preview for "Hitch" starring Will Smith. Damn, that boy looks good. It comes out in February. That might have to be my anti-Valentines day movie this year. It's a romantic comedy, but I think I'll enjoy it.

Saw "Donnie Darko" and "The Butterfly Effect" last weekend. Yeah that seriously f*$%&# with my sense of space/time. I'd say it messed with it for the forseeable future, but to be honest I'm not sure what past/present/future mean anymore. Yikes. Note - if you're gonna watch both movies give yourself something of a break between them. Watching them over 2 days (whatever that means) was probably a good way to cause a serious feedback loop in my brain. A serious one.

Got tickets to go see Jon Stewart. I am psyched. Of course my darling best friend tamped down a bit of the excitement by saying something that qualified as an unadulterated bastard-ish comment. I know he didn't mean to...but his tone was so cutting that it really upset me. *shrugs.* Nothing I can really do about it I suppose...but man that hurt.

I'm a little sensitive about the whole thing - you know me and my tentativeness when it comes to feeling unwanted in a group, which has in general been exacerbated recently. I dunno. I'd say it was my problem and that I'll deal with it, but I'm kinda tired of being strong all the time. This may in part have something to do with the sheer exhaustion I'm dealing with becuase of work. No small part really.

I know that I'm supposed to say something, and believe something, along the lines of "all that really matters is that I think I'm beautiful." But really, that's utter bullshit. Why? Because that's not the society we live in - we are not judged on how we judge ourselves; we're judged based on how other people perceive us. Pure and simple. And no matter how I see myself on the inside, it doesn't matter if other people don't see me that way...and please spare me the line about the inner "light shining through." Let's reserve that fairy tale for children and hysterial teen girls please.

Yes, inner confidence can burst through a person, showing amounts of personality, and certainly if you have nothing but a pretty face it'll catch up with you sooner or later. But you also need something more than that...or you need other people to see it.

And in the end, other people aren't seeing that.

I know this sounds self-pitying and I'm gonna hear it from at least two people I can think of... please. I'm not wanting to hear that, especially from people who I've talked through their own share of issues. I'm just...tired. So tired. And I'm just having trouble hanging onto the inner optimist.

Because no matter how pessimistic/cynical I appear those who know me best know that my heart has been on my sleeve forever and I'm sunshiney most days.

So what's changed? Why do I feel like I'm dying inside? I honestly don't know...and it's not the job. It's not first year syndrome and to treat it as such is dismissing this. I'm getting out, I'm doing stuff, it's just...I feel like I'm going through the motions. Disconnected?

As for what's been going on in the other hand...I refer you to an earlier entry and say, he's just not that into me. I trust my instincts - and that's what they're screaming at me. Not listening to my instincts has inevitably resulted in trouble for me.

Maybe it's time to close off before I get so far that I end up a broken wreck.

I want to say more...I want to rail and scream and yell, but I'll only hurt friends if I do so...and anytime I try to talk to them, I'm shut down. Dismissed. Treated as if this is just a regular thing when I know something else is going on.

I guess it's normal though - people who are happy don't want to go near that abyss...they are afraid they're gonna get dragged in again. Can't say I blame them. Rather, I know I shouldn't. But I guess part of me does...I just want to be able to sit down and talk to someone who knows me. But like I said, even if I hate it, I understand.

Besides, I know I'm gonna end up doing what I always end up doing, defending thoughts and ideas of those in my family, because they are foreign to those outside who care about me. And nothing ever gets resolved because they can't help but be judgemental of what they don't understand. Human nature and all that.

So for now...I keep going. To quote a great man, either I'll come out the other side. Or I won't. Either way, I'll be here getting through this, like it or not. *sighs*

This sounds bad...I should apologize but I'm not going to. Why should I keep hiding just because it annoys other people? What good does that do?

Sleep for tonight I guess.

Religious Philosophy

Joan: Why did you make so many religions, anyway? I mean, wouldn't it
be easier if everybody had the same one?
God: Well, there's so many different people. They all need a different way of relating to me, and that's what religions are -- different ways to share the same truth.
~ Joan of Arcadia

Yeah. So I really love that show. If you haven't seen it, you should. And at times when they say stuff like that? It's so simple - but apparently so controversial idea people are willing to kill and die for it.

Humanity. We're a bunch of losers.

I Got Bored Again

Ok, yes I got bored again so, new template. Then I decided I wasn't a fan of verdana and like Arial better. So I changed it along with a host of minor changes.

And now I'm not sure I like that. So, I've got to decide if the sidebar font is too small, and whether I should just increase the font or switch the sidebar stuff right back to Verdana, leaving the main blog font as Arial.

Eh, too tired to futz with it anymore. If you all have suggestions, I'm listening. Or reading. Whatever.

Because I Haven't Posted Any in Awhile...

You are a Maine Coon! You are larger than life, a
gentle giant. You are independent, but very
affectionate with your friends and family.


What breed of cat are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


Huh... ok then. I guess so.


Mint Tea...
You are Mint Tea!
Naturally sweet you have a happy-go-lucky attitude.
The world is full of fun and wonder! Although
you can be naive at times and quite aloof to
your surroundings you know how to have good
clean fun! Most people see you as cute and very
gentle by nature and it is most likely true.
You have a great outlook on life and you try
not to let things get to you. Go you!


What type of Tea are you? {-With Anime Pictures!-}
brought to you by Quizilla

Cute and very gentle by nature? Right ok - someone else want to comment on these? Cause I can't quite decide if I agree or not...

Diggin around in the grey matter

Trying to figure stuff out. It's not going well.

George makes fun of me because I put up a bunch of pictures in my room. Of them, 3 are solely of me, and one is me and a friend. He seems to think this is somehow narcissistic. And truly it might be but not for the reasons he believes. Each of those 3 pictures was taken AFTER I graduated college, May 2002. Each represents something about me...a small pictoral image of a journey of growing up.

It's funny, because some of this I'm just realizing now, and because it's like there is a key to all of this that no one else can see. Each image I'm smiling, each image most people can't see beneath the surface. But they represent such varied things.

July 2002 -A picture where I am alone...and felt alone...but I wasn't. Not really.

Spring 2003 - A picture where I am alone, and felt alone but felt that I wasn't. But I was. So desperately.

August 2004 - Not feeling quite so alone but grappling with thoughts and fears that I can barely even begin to describe to myself let alone put into words. Alone in a crowd.

I'm too in my head. I'm going to clean or play or do something. Maybe that will take the edge off.

Here's to all

...the passive agressive nitwits
...the people (read: students) who won't take any personal responsibility ("Miss! He was distracting me that's why I got a 32% on the test!" No you knucklehead - you LET yourself get distracted. Honestly.)

Wait. Stop. Let's end the rant that was about to stop. I'm going to focus on the best thing that happened today. It's so small, but...

There's one kid in my class who seriously underacheived last quarter. You want to know how bad you ask me - let's leave it at it was BAD.

This quarter he has 100% on the one quiz, and a 96% on the test and he has done all his homework. Almost. We'll get to that one in a second.

Anyway, Underachieving Andy (name changed to protect the innocent) has been bopped on the head by me at least twice this quarter. Mostly because I am SO DAMN PROUD of what he's been doing so far. I berate him to the tune of "Good lord, [Underachieving Andy] what were you doing last quarter? You knucklehead!"

So today, I'm checking off homework, and the former Underachieving Andy, presently Achieving Andy, doesn't have it. I must have looked disappointed cause he actually seemed to really care what I thought of him. He was afraid of disappointing me! I don't know if you guys can appreciate how incredible a feeling that is...but lord help me that kid is fantastic.

And he knows if he misses a homework assignment again he's toast.

Ok, and on that note I'm gonna try the sleep thing. Last day tomorrow - whee!

Oops I Did it Again

...and I can't believe I just quoted Britney Spears. Another perfectly good phrase ruined by a rather annoying pop princess. Oy.

Nevertheless, I looked up and I had let just about a month go by without posting an entry. Oops indeed. I really didn't mean to do that. Just got a little busy I suppose.

I got my new baby yesterday. I don't think I ever posted it...actually I know I didn't cause I just checked the archives. Anyway - I bought one last July - and then realized I needed the left-handed version. Which really I knew from the beginning, but I let other people talk me out of it, because I couldn't explain why I knew that I needed the lefty model. In case you're interested - it turns out you can't keep the beat with your weaker hand - it needs to be your dominant hand. Heh. Who knew? Well I did, but to all you right-handed freaks out there, now you know too.

Holding it sorta wigged out Dan and Ehren. They had to play it upside down and backwards. I just laugh - now they know why I was always uncomfortable with their stuff. :)

Course I get it when I have 110 exam papers to grade. Yikes, this is going to be an interesting weekend. Oh well - at least next week is going to be super short!

I was just browsing through old archives, and realized that there was a lot more in this sucker than I remembered. I've had it for less than a year at this point, so it's kinda cool. Also that I occasionally say some kinda cool stuff.

I spent some time on my trip to SF last March. You know, I want that feeling again. So whether it's going to SF, or to LA or going somewhere, I think I'm going to have to engineer a trip sometime. Maybe February or April break? I'd love to go with friends, but to do that I'd need them to miss school and/or work. And that just bites. Grr. Somebody have a long weekend around to go down to DC? Maybe over Christmas? Karen - you and me to Cali sometime, definately.

I have, much to my roommate's annoyance discovered a new philosophy on life, based on the book: He's Just Not That Into You - ladies read this book. Men, read this book. Damnit it's a GREAT FUCKING book.

OK, I'm tired - I have more to say but more importantly papers to grade...I'll be back.

The Sentiment Applies

One of my favorite Muppet songs. Find the song (or have me send it to you) if you haven't heard it, but the key part is here...I'm sitting here drinking a beer and shaking my head at the fact that I seem to be empathizing with a frog and dog.

Here's the key lyric:

Rowlf (talking about keeping his life simple and
relationship free): Yep. I finish work, go home, read a book, have a couple of beers, take myself for a walk and go to
bed.
Kermit: Nice and simple.
Rowlf: Stay away from women. That's my motto.
Kermit: But I can't.
Rowlf: Neither can I. That's my trouble...

Substitute "men" for "women" and I'm all set. Heh. See this is why I love the Muppets - they resonate at any age!

Night kids.

11 Hour Days Suck...

...unless of course they are 11+ hour days in which case they reach levels which can only be described by Dante. In the Inferno.

I just want to know how I, a slacker really, ended up the typical workaholic. Seriously. I didn't see this coming and I doubt anyone else did.

I do love my job...I just wouldn't mind if maybe there was a tiny bit less of it. I'm just sayin' here.

First formal observation this week so I'm majorly in overdrive here. I want to blow the VP's socks off. Truly. So, 11+ hour days here I come. It's 6pm, and I think I'm gonna nap and then get up and do yet more work.

The next person who tells me teacher's are either (a) overpaid or (b) shouldn't complain cause they get summers off or even (c) are paid quite enough for what they do is gonna be the recipient of a well-deserved bloody nose.

*sighs* Damn, I need a life.

Outside of work that is.

Icing the Palms and Lovin' it...

New game. George bought "Donkey Konga." It comes with conga drums. 10 minutes into playing it we decided that we needed to call Ehren. 5 min after he played it, he went out and bought his own copy.

Dear god in heaven. IT ROCKED OUT. George is still in the other room playing. I am icing down my hands becuase they are lobster red - but damn it was fun.

Heh. You must see this game at some point soon-ish.

OK - more work to be done but wanted to point that little bit out.

Still here, just sleeping...

It's been 3.5 weeks since I last posted.

Oops.

I really didn't mean to let that much time pass...it's just everytime I had something to say I was too tired to say it and opted for going to bed or staring at the TV with a blank expression on my face instead. Like I said, my IQ drops about 75-100 points at 2:10 every day. It's somewhat amusing. And sad. Very sad.

Interesting happenings in my life? Most people have been talking to me...so you know about the job sitch. That's going well - details you can get from me in person of course. Ups and downs, but I'm still happy. Well, happy with some light showers of annoyance. But again, that's expected in this profession.

Spent yesterday chilling out with Ehren - Applefest (got a cool ring!), Coldstone (ran into Martina of all the odd places to run into her) where I experience peanut butter chocolatey goodness, Barnes and Noble where I got a book I will be talking about in a moment AND ran into Caro! Then back here to watch "A Time to Kill", dinner at Chili's with Dan and Ehren to see Ali, and then back here to finish the movie and catch the last bit of the "Growing Pains" 2nd reunion movie.

Right - so the book is Jon Stewart's book America (the Book): A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction. The forward is written by Thomas "T.J." Jefferson.

This book is bloody hilarious. Understand me? HILARIOUS.

First of all, it's set up as a high school textbook, right down to that stamp in the inside. Except when you look closer you notice that, hmm, there's something a tiny bit different about it. It's subtle and cute.

The rest of the book...really I can't describe it well enough - get thee to a book store and flip through a copy. It's entirely worth it. I do love the pull out poster showing the Shadow government hierarchy, and the end of chapter review questions and class activities are enough to keep Ehren, me, and Leila (who stopped by after work) in hysterics for a good long while. People - get this book.

At some point I need to order He’s Just Not That Into You: The No Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys. A friend reccomended it and it looks amazingly funny - unfortunately it's sold out at Barnes and Noble...however, if anyone already has a copy that I can borrow I'd appreciate it. My friend is taking her copy, highlighting and tabbing it. She feels it has intense value. Why didn't he call? He's just not that into you. Why hasn't he remembered anything of importance in your life? He's just not that into you. This is good advice ladies. I'm just sayin'.

Finally watched "A Time to Kill." Ehren wanted to see it so I swallowed my fears, sucked it up and watched it. The background here is that I enjoy John Grisham's books, and the movies based on his books. I have wanted to watch this movie for awhile. However, one thing has prevented me from watching this particular movie. When it came out the review made it clear that there is a very graphically portrayed rape of a 10-year old girl in the first few minutes of the movie. I have intense trouble watching rape scenes no matter what the circumstances but I knew watching that particular scene would be worse than most.

It was.

Ehren realized at some point that I was not doing to well with it. But I'll also say this much - the movie was excellent and I would reccomend it to anyone. It's a pretty powerful movie - and it's worth it. So, watch it.

And that was my day. It was a good day. And now I have to go and do a ton of work, including reading over 115 lab reports. Yikes.

Russell out.

7:35, the weeks sucks, but alcohol doens't

It's not even 8pm. I've been trashed since 6pm. It's a school night.

At least it took me a month to get to the point where I'm drinking lots on a school night. So much weird stuff going on in my head, but I gotta say I'm not anywhere near drunk enough to actually talk about it. Suffice to say - my life is odd and I'm not convinced good.

I enjoy my job...but some of it is driving me nuts. Suprisingly I'm turning into a bit of a workaholic. Which is totally unexpected cause during student teaching I couldn't get out of there soon enough. I still want to get out of there...but I feel good about getting stuff done. Of course I'm wicked behind in grading. Ridiculosly behind. It's bad.

I should stop typing now, before I really lose it. Besides I should go to sleep soon. That would be good.

:) Night all!

PS - yay vanilla vodka!

Basically, I couldn't sleep if I wanted to

So today has consisted of, in order, caffiene mixed with chocolate, alcohol, chocolate, and more sugar caffiene mixtures. I am not even anywhere near the state of sleep, which sucks cause I'm too wired to grade, or write, or do anything useful that I should be doing or that, in the case of writing some letters, that I want to do.

Instead my heart is racing, and my mind is going about a million times faster than that. The roommate isn't around, and no one is on line (reasonable since it's almost 2 am) so I can't even talk to anyone about what's on my mind.

Grrrr. Stupid caffiene. Grrrrr.

This weekend, so far, has been super keen. Was up in NH visiting with Ehren and his 'rents. Who are just super people so that was a lot of fun. Totally worth pushing back a dentist's appointment for. It rocked. Much fun was had by all, and I am now the owner of a new Nalgene bottle. I'm hoping this means, via a process of alternating, that I will wash them out more often. Yep. That should work.

It's bright pink too. So that's cool. Betcha the kids freak out. Just watch - I know 'em well!

OK, gonna try sleeping. I am, afterall, exhausted.

Chilling Out & Recuperating

Yup. Recovering from my bout with the cold that the kids gave me. If I ever manage to figure out which one of the kids got me sick, I'm going to be failing that particular child. Seriously. I ended up taking Thursday as a sick day which pissed me off incredibly. I hate taking time off in the middle of the week - it makes me feel all that much more disconnected when I come back to school. Which it did again. And I felt like I was running away. But, it also turned out to be the smartest thing I could have done - 'cause I certainly felt a bit better on Friday when I went back.

Which was good cause I was at school til a little after 5:30 pm. If I get one more person telling me that teacher's have it easy I'm going to attack them with a red pen and the fetal pigs we were dissecting this week. Indeed!

Chilling out at Ehren's for now, going to bake some of the cookies he liked that I made for the department picnic. Yummy!!

Singing in the Rain was on TV tonight. How cool? Can I reiterate that I want, nay, need, a man with the charm and wit of Gene Kelly. And the body of Hugh Jackman. Actually, just a nice mesh of those two men would keep me happy. Very happy. Forever happy.

You get the sense that my thoughts are jumping around faster than the Energizer Bunny on speed? Yeah...go figure.

What else is going on? Had a religious experience today, but not really wanting to talk about it just yet...I will eventually...but for now I need to process what happened.

I find my mind working in a similar way now that it did a couple years ago when I wrote some rather interesting reflections. Except that I'm happier on the surface now than I was then. I'm not sure how deep that happiness runs. Well that's not entirely true - for the most part I know that I'm the happiest I've been lately than I've been in years. But, to some extent that happiness feels a bit like a delusion. I'm not sure why, though it is not out of the realm of possibilities that I'm just not used to feeling ok. I think part of me is still waiting for the other shoe to drop!

I do know that something is missing right now. I don't know what it is, because the answer I suspect is deeper than the obvious, but something is not right. Something I need in my life isn't here...but I don't even have a notion as to what it is. Is that weird? I don't know.

I guess there really isn't much I can do now, except trust that it will be revealed to me in time. Cause you all just know I'm the world's most patient person. Really now. :)

Ok, time to go bake cookies. Night all!

Apologies All Around ~or~ Who Loves Ya Baby?

Yes. I haven't posted in awhile. Not a real post certainly. And yes, I am very very sorry. But I do in fact have a good excuse...I've been exhausted and going to bed at like 9pm every night. And that's only been 'cause I've been literally FORCING myself to stay up that late.

This whole "real" job thing is taking it out of me. The kids are great - but they are taking it out of me. This week is gonna be the longest one yet, literally and figuratively so we'll see.

A word of warning - I am on NyQuil...or rather the WalMart version of NyQuil. So you are entering a drugged up zone. Don't say I didn't warn you.

George is sicker, I am sick. I stopped by WalMart on the way home to get drugs. Walked out with Vick VapoRub (TM) , Equate versions of Tylenol Cold, DayQuil, Luden's throat drops, and the his and hers pack of NyQuil. I swear to you I think George just about fell to his feet when he saw the 2 bottles of NyQuil I bought. It was sweet, in that I'm your fucking dealer bitch do what I say sort of way.

Anyway. Other news? Work is going well, I enjoy it a lot. Kudos to Ehren for helping me keep sane on the weekends.

Went to the staff party at the department head's place in Massachusetts last weekend. It rocked - took Ehren since George was a bit unavailable due to some heavy consumption of adult beverages at the football game earlier. Got to my co-workers' children... adorable all of them.

Loved holding the 7month old baby...got what a cutie. I wish some of my older friends would have kids that I could spoil (and hand back at the end of the day). Babies are fun when they aren't your own!

I do have more to write...but that medication is kicking in and I can barely keep my eyes open...I'm losing coherency fast. And I mean REALLY fast.

Leave love, remind me that I have people out there who love me! And who love me for me, not because I control their grades and by extension their lives...heh heh heh...

Russell Out.

Look to the Right of your screen....

What do you think? Feedback please.

A Question of Some Import

Mood/feelings: Stressed, scared, nervous, and pretty convinced of general failure heading my way. I can deal with that though.

How?

By totally ignoring the problems and fixating on something that doesn't really matter at all!!!!

So...the question of no importance whatsoever, drumroll please...

should I stick up a photograph in my profile? Use the comments to let me know what you think, voting ends...at some point.

Right. Maybe I should go to bed?

Please Disregard Previous Post...

Right. Don't worry about the last post - some stuff was going on, it was dealt with in a timely and mature fashion, and if you are going to die unless you know what happened you'll just have to ask me. And whether or not I explain will give you a good idea as to how key I feel your continued existance is. :-D

I'm trying to type carefully - I just got my first ever manicure. I think I might be hooked. I also think I might need to go try the pedicure thing at some point, cause this is a lot of fun!

Party here last night was phenomenal. We had a solid mix of G's friends, plus my high school AND college friends. The food was spectacular, the people were fabulous...and I flat out felt adorably sexy. Which is unusual for me. Must be the jeans...

So much went on last night, and frankly it would take forever to type it in, and I don't have that kind of patience *grins* If you weren't there, silly you for not showing up! But I did get to meet new people and got some of my friends to interact who'd never met before. Erika particularly cracked me up in her greeting to Ehren. She's G's new best friend I think...first of all she's working at Starbucks, so he's going to be worshipping her, and when I told him of her greeting to Ehren, he cracked up and said "I think I like her even more..."

Oh yeah, he and Ralphie got along pretty well too.

Annie showed up - hadn't seen her in ages, Ehren, Dan and Sam were playing guitar and bass and all manner of fun things. Everything rocked out...and I got a chance to dance and meet new people, so cool.

Also, had lunch with Bill and Brian today, hadn't seen either of them in ages and that was beyond sweet, just catch up and showed them the apartment. :) All in all it's been fun

Think it's just about nap time for me though - going to the reunion and need to get some rest before I go glam up. Kinda hope it stops raining before I have to go outside, cause it would really REALLY suck if I got all pretty and then had the rain ruin everything!

Naps are fun... :) Later!

New colors

Yeah, I know I changed the background again. Only this time didn't really do anything except change the coloring. What can I say? I got bored with the old color scheme.

Yeah this sounds trivial. Why? Cause I'm sick and tired of being the strong one. The reasonable one. Fuck that. What I wouldn't give just to fy off the handle, a good rip roaring pissed off don't fuck with me temper tantrum. Why is it so hard? Why do friends always end up being the ones who twist the knife? And why can't I just let it go?!

Maybe things will look better in the morning. God I hope so. Cause I'm gonna cry when I go to sleep tonight, and I really don't want to.

Damnit. DAMNIT.


Just...fuck it.

Good night.

Place still looks like a disaster...

I am moved in more or less. Place still looks unfinished but we're getting there slowly. I have all the furniture that is required so I'm counting that on the positive side. There is so much going on...and nothing really noteworthy or blog-able. Sorry.

I did just want to post to say 'sup and all. I am currently searching through boxes looking for things...but at least i'm starting to get a good idea of WHERE to look...baby steps and all that.

Oh hell...if you really want to know what's going on in my life, talk to me! For the moment, that's all I've got! :)

Talk later,
me.

More Quizzes Before I Disapper for the Next Few Days

Take the quiz: "Which American City Are You?"

Boston
You are under-world power and old-world tradition. You get the job done and it's better if nobody asks how.

Boston, yep. Go Red Sox! Heh. And my friends have known for years not to ask questions about my methods of execution.


You're Donna!


Which That 70's Show Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


A tall fiery redhead...OK, it's the second time a quiz has pegged me as having red hair...someone trying to tell me something?? Sure I get teased about my height...tall though? Oh to dream...


MAY:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly
motivated. Sharp
thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves
attention. Deep
feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm
Standpoint. Needs no
motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left
brain). Loves to dream. Strong
clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in
the ear and neck. Good
imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves
literature and the arts.
Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless.
Not having many children.
Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift


What does your birth month say about you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Systematic? Me?? Nah...

A Quickie

Like the title says - this is gonna be fast and furious. I am moving tomorrow, which is to say I get the keys to the new place, though I am not quite sure I'm going to be sleeping there tomorrow night. Actually, considering I still need to get a bed and a shower curtain, I'm thinking spending the night there, not so much on ye olde agenda. But, we'll see.

Turns out after being bored to tears, tomorrow I have more invitations than I know what to do with. Bloody hell. Hate it when that happens.

Ehren, you had best be showing up...hang over or no hang over!

I think I scared the crap out of Leila tonight...I went to my "dark" place. 'Cept it wasn't that dark, which is good in the sense that I got out before I was too far in, but bad in the sense that I think Leila got scared too quickly...I wonder how she's gonna react when I really melt down one of these days.

Leila - thanks for talking to me tho. It's precisely what I needed to keep myself in check. I'm much better now, I swear. We'll talk more about it later - just know you handled it the right way.

Ok, so I'm gonna be not so much on IM until August 4th when the internet/cable/phone services are hooked up. So if y'all want to talk, use the bloody phone! :)

Much love to all, and to all a good night.

Alrighty then....

My sphere is Guardian (Person of great Love and Altruism), and my class is Arms Master (Pragmatic and Stout). I am a Guard. You are a true, versatile guard. You have a defensive nature, that is, you are good at instilling a sense of security in the places around you. A strong presence weakens any possible threats around you, and a swift, practical approach to the problems that crop up puts them down before they can get out of hand. What kind of Warrior are you?

So basically...this is yet another way of saying "Mommy." Damnit...

Wistfully Waxing Nostalgic

Just saw "Ocean's Eleven" on TNT tonight.  What a spectacular movie...I adore it.  What's amusing is that it's a totally romantic film in my mind, something which I don't think many people immediately agree with.  Especially when the romance of the film doesn't involve Julia Roberts' scenes at all really.
 
I guess what really got me is one of the last scenes, by the Bellagio fountain.  The scene is beautiful, and if you haven't seen the movie really you should watch it for that one scene if nothing else.  Anyway, the piece of music playing in the background is DeBussy's "Clair de lun."  It's a fabulous piece and the in conjunction with the fountain it's breathtaking. 
 
The other thing is...that scene reminded me of one of the most romantic moments of my life, thus far at any rate.  And the funny thing is that the gentleman in question wasn't even in the same state as I was at the moment.  For that matter, he and I didn't even talk...I got a voicemail!  He called me from a vacation in Las Vegas, from the Bellagio fountain and was talking to me watching the light show.  It was...wonderful.  That he was thinking of me while watching this fantastic light show.  If men knew how easily women are impressed with stuff like that...there would be many more happy girlfriends! 
 
It probably helps that on an early date we sat and listened to Romantic Piano Classics ~ including Clair de lun, and as a result that piece is always associated with warm fuzzies. 
 
Ah, warm fuzzies.  How I missed thee. 
 
Also in the warm fuzzies catagory, had a rather nice moment today.  Roomie called to relay the following sitch.  Was mentioning me in passing at a party/picnic thing - discussing our fabulous new apartment, etc.  And he mentioned me by name - one of his friends responded with something to the effect of "what a beautiful name!  Sounds like the name of flowers...I'd like to walk into a florist and say I wanted a dozen of those!" 
 
A short and not particularly scintillating anecdote...but put a smile on my face no less. 
 
Back to listening to Romantic Piano Classics.  Sleep sweet all. 

Be Careful What You Wish For -Or- We Are Family

When I was in high school, and even through parts of college, I wanted a big brother. This isn't particularly suprising when you consider I was the oldest, a girl not to mention the oldest girl in a first generation family. Wanting a big brother to look out for me, and to look up to, this was not a surprising wish.

I should have known better.

In the last month I've managed to pick up two pseudo-brothers. One of whom is actually older than me, the other one who just sorta acts it.

And I'm getting the full experience - only less "I'll look out for you" and more "let me antagonize you. A lot."

I didn't need that! I HAVE a little brother - I'm quite familiar with the antagonizing aspects of sibling-hood...

Oy.

This is a test...

Blogger has DEFINATELY changed things up again.  You no longer have to manually input the html code, as you can now do keyboard shortcuts... for example:

ctrl + B
ctrl +i

And colors...
 
All sorts of pretty colors
 
Best of all?  ctrl + S will publish no questions asked...cool...

Emotional Exhaustion

So if you go back and look at Leila's blog (too tired to put the links in, you people do the work) you'll see that she and I had a conversation about lost loves etc a while back. Might have been last week, might have been the week before that. Who knows. Anyway, at the time I thought I had been clear who I was referring too. Not so much apparently. I found this out while discussing American Gods and its awesome ending. Here's the conversation that precipitated it:

Anathema: and if you're anything like me, i'll get a phone call within 5 min of you getting it saying something to the effect of "OH MY GOD! THAT ROCKED!"
Leila: hehe
A: i got that call from him.
L: nice
A: and he finished it weeks after breaking my heart
L: he broke your heart?
A: so if he called under those circumstances...
A: ...
A: oh god.
A: leila...you know he and i dated, right?
L: yes i know
A: and he cheated on me?
A: ok...
L: ah that i didn't know
A: oh boy
A: hang on
A: let me figure out how to short hand this for you

Needless to say a story like that doesn't shorthand...well at all. The result? A VERY VERY LONG story where I ended up digging up some stuff that I had worked good and hard to bury. Deeply. In a safe. Capable of withstanding a blast from anything up to and including a hydrogen bomb.

I am very very very tired. I am very emotional. I haven't been that close to crying in a long time. It was pointed out to me by two different people that crying would be a good thing to do every now and then. I didn't cry. I'm glad I didn't in a way. I shed my tears over this long ago, and frankly I am not all that interested in being a professional victim. Frankly I know people who do that and I find it disgusting. And annoying. And the antithesis of what I strive to do. I would rather make peace with my past, and be aware of it so that I dont relive it.

However, as another dear friend said "and I bet it was good to talk about the things that roughed ya up before. It's good to talk about em sometimes."

Indeed.

Plus, got to talk more with Leila, who I'm finding to be an friend of the best sort - unexpected.

So for now those memories, good, bad and bittersweet are being wrapped back in tissue paper, carefully packed and put in the attic. For a little while at least.

I am to bed. For emotionally drained as I am, I require sleep. So...

Sleeping the sleep of the just. Catch ya on the flip side.

The Year I Was Born Was A Very Good Year

In 1980 (the year you were born)

Jimmy Carter is president of the US President Carter announces punitive measures and embargos against the USSR in retaliation for the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan Mount St. Helens in Washington state erupts in a violent blast estimated to be 500 times as powerful as the Hiroshima atomic bomb Ronald Reagan is elected the 40th US president in a sweeping victory US Representative Michael O. Myers is expelled from the House for his role in the Abscam scandal Hewlett-Packard announces release of its first personal computer Microsoft announces their version of UNIX, Xenix Christina Ricci, Chelsea Clinton, Venus Williams, Jessica Simpson, Macaulay Culkin, and Jake Gyllenhaal are born Philadelphia Phllies win the World Series Pittsburgh Steelers win Superbowl XIV New York Islanders win the Stanley Cup The Empire Strikes Back is the top grossing film "Lady" by Kenny Rogers spends the most time at the top of the US charts U.S. viewers get caught up in the "Who Shot J.R.?" cliff hanger on the soap opera series, Dallas, which is solved on a November 21 episode, drawing a record numbers of viewers

What Happened the Year You Were Born?

More cool things for your blog at
Blogthings

For the record? Mt. St. Helens blew it's top hours before I was born. Now that's what I call an entrance!

Just call me Dr. Moriarty...

Yep. That's just about right. Wouldn't have minded being the double agent...but I think this got it in one.






What Type of Villain are You?

mutedfaith.com.


Moral of the story? Don't mess with me people. Just dont.

I am wowed and happy

The concert tonite...it rocked. I was wowed by the artists in suprising ways. I also discovered that I am living with a seriously strange individual.

So much to tell and I'm exhausted...so we'll try the highlights for the time being.

First of all...hanging out with Leila and G. for the better part of the day...well Leila put it best "G. and I were driving A. up a wall, it was hilarious. Poor abused A., she knows we love her.

For the record Leila? I know no such thing - you two are incredibly lucky I didn't drive the car off a cliff!! Those two...honestly "She took my glasses!" "He's touching me!" It was like I was mommy. To my good friend and my roommate. I wanted to shoot them...oy vey they are nuts! The words "If you two don't stop right now so help me god I will come over there and separate you..." actually left my mouth. And that was while were in the restaurant...before we even got to the concert!

Driving was interesting, as both of them were trying their damndest to keep me well and truly distracted. Making faces...G. it turns out is impossible. He was in the doghouse for a while... and ended up having to pull the "I cook REALLY REALLY well" card to get out of it. Once the 80's music started though...we were all good. G. does an amazingly on target rendition of "Baby Got Back". I was laughing hysterically. And trying to navigate on 691. It was super. We also totally took the long way to get there, but that's an entirely different story.

The concert itself rocked - we ran into Sam, Ben, Ben's gf, Niamh, and Niamh's bf Erik whilst we were there. That was hot. The music was unbelievable.

Guster was guster - they were their usual fun selves...not the best performance of their's that I've seen but it rocked nonetheless. What was cool was that each act had the other two acts come in at least once during their set and perform together. It would have been nice to see all 3 acts perform together on one, but alas, that was not meant to be.

Ben Folds was next...what can I say? Ben does things to the piano that NO ONE should be able to do. He sang a song about his little girl that was just so incredibly sweet. And then he had Rufus come out.

Holy Hell...it was amazing. They did a duet of George Michael's "Careless Whisper." G., Leila, and I were all just sitting there in shock. As Lei put it - "check please". Indeed. The duet was just amazing...I am PRAYING that someone from the guster site taped the show...because I NEED to find that track. I will pay money for that track it was that good. Ehren, if you're reading this...you have no idea what you missed with that one song. If I had only heard that one song I could have gone home happy. AMAZING If anyone out there knows where to get that rendition anywhere PLEASE let me know. PLEASE!!!

Rufus was the finisher. A mistake in some senses I think - I love the man. I really do - but I think in some ways he's better suited to smaller venues. He's more charming there, and it just comes off better in a small club where you can see him and vice versa. The banter didn't work as well in the larger setting. Also, he's much more mellow than the other two - it's a tough way to close. Everyone's a little tired - and mellow doesn't help much. He and Guster sang together on "April Fools" but also on "One Man Boy." The latter? Also just beautiful.

Ok I'm really really exhausted. Oh, as an aside, I have a new address starting the end of the month :) Lot been going on.

Am I back from Hiatus? Um...let's just take it one post at a time shall we?

Night.

Still on Hiatus...just taking a break for a post

Yes. Still on a blogging hiatus. Just decided to take a quick break due to extreme good mood. Why the good mood? Two words.

Retail.

Therepy.

Yes, my credit card got some solid exercise. A watch, wallet, 2 pairs of shorts, purse, and a bottle of men's cologne (GAP Blue) later, I was happy.

The cologne isn't for me - talked to Ehren and he asked me to pick him up a bottle. Which is fine. But, any serious relationship I enter in with the opposite sex? He must come equipped with GAP Blue, or be willing to wear it.

Because it drives me INSANE. I have no logical explanation for it. It just does.

Happy place. I am in my happy place. Went shopping yesterday (Friday night) with G - saw Leila at work which was fun and happy as well. Realized the new roommate is going to be incredibly easy to shop for - and even more fun to shop with. I have found a new shopping buddy - sweet!

This means things will inevitably get worse - the highs never last. But it's been nice so far, so I'll just go with it for what it's worth.

Night all.

Postscript: blogger is doing something more than a little wacky at the moment...which means that posts aren't posting and getting to a blogger webpage takes refreshing several times. Bloody wacky thing to be happening. If you are able to read this props for your patience! Catch ya on the flip side!

ON HIATUS

Neil can do it. So I am to. This blog is officially on hiatus for about a month. I'll be back in mid-August. I might post super erratically in the interim. But for the most part, I'm not here emotionally for at least 4 weeks.

Catch you guys on the flip side.

Nothing is going on...really...

It's time for another GUILT POST! Yes, I feel bad for not writing anything, mostly because I'm getting some people mentioning the lack of posting...

But I have nothing going on in my life! I am enjoying my summer to the utmost. Watching movies, hanging out with friends and meeting new people. It is all very very dull. The entire month of July is going to be similarly boring. August will be fascinating. But outside of that, ain't nothing happening. I promise you.

*sighs*

I'll try to keep updating with amusing anecdotes, I think I'm just enjoying living my life not just writing about it for a little while. It's summer lethargia. And I am LOVING it. This is the first time in YEARS that I have been able to enjoy summer, instead of running around like a mad woman. Go me!

My best friend is home from Germany for a few days - and then he's coming home for good by the end of the month - just in time to help me move. So excited - I got to see him last night and am going out to lunch with him today. It was super to catch up in person - and realize we've known each other for about a decade. My oldest friend I've known for almost 2 - falling just short at 18 years. Definately getting old.

But here's a secret, shhhhh...I'm a enjoying 24. It's a nice age to be. :)

I'm gonna go get ready for lunch now - but I'll try to post again soon.

More Quiz Fun

Would you survive a horror movie? Find out @ She's Crafty
Rock on dude - intelligent with a good dose of common sense too, that's me!


Which Sex and the City Player Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty
Yep. The cynical one. That's me. Love Miranda. LOVE HER.


Which Action Star Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty
Harrison Ford - yay! And let's just change that last bit to "always gets the hot guy...AND the bad guy" shall we?


Who's Your 80s Movie Icon Alter-Ego? Find out @ She's Crafty
Ahhh, Sarah Jessica Parker BEFORE she got sexed up. Interesting...


Who's Your Movie Sidekick? Find out @ She's Crafty
Hee - funny thing is I have a friend like that. Only she's a he...hee hee hee


Which O.C. Character Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty
Cool. I get to be the female Seth. I LOVE Seth.


What's Your Problem? Find out @ She's Crafty
And there is proof that these things are BS - relatively problem free my ass. I have more baggage than JFK during the Christmas rush!


Who Would Slaughter You in a Horror Movie? Find out @ She's Crafty
Alrighty then...anyone up for going to the movies with me today??

Rage.

Today has been the worst day I've had in months. I mean that truly - it really would have had to have worked hard to get worse. I don't particularly want to discuss it - but I can say that tonight I wanted to do something truly self-destructive. I wanted to go 100mph on a steep curvey road. I wanted to drink myself sick. What I really wanted to do was destroy something beautiful. Take it and just lay waste to it, smash it to unrecognizable chunks and then go back for more. Don't know what I wanted to destroy precisely, but if I had seen it I would have known.

Called a friend in tears, pretended everything was ok. Bless his heart he didn't believe a word of it but was content to let me be. He helped. Too bad things got worse later.

So that's been my day. I handle rage well.

I don't want to go to sleep. I've been having nightmares again. Hello insomnia. Made the next bit all the more timely.

Stumbled across this while trying to figure out what the hell I have for mp3s. It was thoroughly unlabeled, and in a cappella version, which means I had to try and decipher lyrics through vocal perc. The song turned out to be "Insomniac" originally done by Billy Pilgrim, which I promptly downloaded. The version I have I think is by the Virginia Gentlemen. Whatever. It's a beautiful song. Lyrics posted below for your pleasure.

Insomniac
Billy Pilgrim
I can see you, don't even know you
Falling into the sheets at night
I place my hands flat on my chest
I feel the heart beat back the night
I try counting sheep, and I talk to the shepherd
And I play with my pillow for ever and ever
I sit alone and I watch the clock
I breathe in on the tick and out on the tock

Refrain:
I can hear your bare feet on the kitchen floor
I don't have to have these dreams no more
Cause I've found someone just to hold me tight
Hold the insomniac all night

Dig my head down deep so I can't hear the cars outside on the street
And the stars are laughing
They get a kick out of my misery
I tried everything short of Aristotle to Dramamine
And the whiskey bottle
Pray for the day when my ship comes in
I can sleep the sleep of the just again

Refrain
Instrumental
Refrain

Muppet Babies!

So after reformatting my computer about 6 times in 2 days (don't ask. It's too long a story to type here - suffice it to say there were moments where my recalcitrant computer almost got tossed. Several moments. Back to our regularly scheduled story), I decided to go ahead and organize my mp3s, get rid of repeats and make sure things are labeled at least somewhat correctly in iTunes. Fun times.

Either way I ran across my Muppets folder. Yes I have an entire folder devoted to songs from the Muppets, Sesame Street, Animaniacs etc. It rocks! I was going through labeling when I hit the song "I'm Gonna Always Love You" from the movie The Muppets Take Manhattan.

This next bit assumes you have seen the television show "Muppet Babies." If you haven't you much contact me immediately to remedy this. What alot of people don't neccessarily know is that the show Muppet Babies was created because of a scene from "The Muppets Take Manhattan" where Miss Piggy imagines what it would have been like if the Muppets had met when they were little. I generally hate Miss Piggy - she is definately my least favorite muppet - but the song rocks.

Actually it has kinda a neat message about having it all...besides which it is just adorable...so here's what I'm doing - I'm posting the lyrics down below and then linking the song on henson.com. Check it out, it's not the full thing, but if you want it give me a buzz. It's totally worth it, trust me.

I'm Gonna Always Love You
(Dialogue intro, in Central Park)
Statler: Hey, look Waldorf--it's the frog and the pig!
Waldorf: Yeah, looks like they're in love.
Statler: Yeah. Kinda makes you sick, doesn't it?
(Trademark laughter from both, followed by catcalls at Piggy and Kermit, who don't notice)

Miss Piggy: Oh, Kermie, I'm sorry I yelled at you. And I didn't mean it when I said it would have been better if we had never met. In fact, I wish we had met much sooner. . .Kermit, wouldn't it have been wonderful if we had known each other when we were little? Imagine...little Kermie....and little Piggy.

FADE OUT....FADE IN TO MUPPET BABY NURSERY
Baby Rowlf at piano, Baby Piggy sitting on it

Baby Piggy:
No matter what life may bring,
no matter what I may do,
be sure of one special thing
I'm gonna always be loving you.


(Tempo speeds up, Baby Rowlf plays an awesome piano intro...)


Baby Piggy:
I'm gonna be a movie star
And I'm gonna learn to drive a car
Gonna be a veterinarian too
And I'm gonna always love you.


(Musical, jazzy bridge)


Baby Kermit: Hi guys! Hi Fozzie!
Baby Gonzo: Hi Kermit!
Baby Scooter: Hello!
Baby Fozzie: Hiya!



Baby Piggy:
I'll be the cutest model you ever saw
Then I think I'll study criminal law
And I'm gonna learn to scuba dive too.
And I'm gonna always love you.


Baby Fozzie:
Ma ma ga ga boop boop sha wah wah
Baby Fozzie/Baby Gonzo:
Ma ma ga ga boop boop sha wah wah
Baby Fozzie/Baby Gonzo/Baby Scooter:
Ma ma ga ga boop boop sha wah wah
wah wah wah wah!


Baby Piggy:
Well, I'm gonna be a singer, whoa whoa whoa!
And I'm gonna learn to fly a plane!
(Fozzie: Wacka wacka wacka)
I'll be a doctor for diseases
and help you with your sneezes
And practice neurosurgery on your brain!


Gonna climb the Matterhorn
But only after all our children are born
'Cause I wanna be a good mommy too!
And I'm gonna always love you!


Baby Fozzie/Baby Gonzo/Baby Scooter:
Ma ma ga ga boop boop sha wah wah
Ma ma ga ga boop boop sha wah wah
Ma ma ga ga boop boop sha wah wah
wah wah wah wah!


Baby Kermit:
She's gonna be a movie star!
And she's gonna learn to drive a car!
She's gonna be a veterinarian too!
Baby Piggy:
And I'm always gonna love you--ooh ooh ooh!


Baby Fozzie:
Well, she's gonna be a singer, whoa whoa whoa
Baby Scooter:
And she's gonna learn to fly a plane!
Baby Rowlf:
She'll be a doctor for diseases
and help you with your sneezes
Baby Gonzo:
And practice neurosurgery on your brain!


Baby Piggy/Other Babies:
Gonna climb the Matterhorn (ma ma ga ga boop boop sha wah wah)
But only after all our children are born (ma ma ga ga boop boop sha wah wah)
'Cause I wanna be a good mommy too (ma ma ga ga boop boop sha wah wah)
And I'm gonna always love you! (ma ma ga ga boop boop sha wah wah)

I also have the Boogie Woogie Sheep and...I have a lot of songs that are gonna trip nostalgia from you guys. Let me know if you're looking for something!

Whoa...this is EERIE

Occasionally these things hit it on the head.

In addition to being maybe a little in love with Neil Gaiman's incarnation of this fellow, I always strongly identified with him. Steve-o and Erika would get the connection. The rest of you...ask...

Oh, and I have a feeling that the image is going to KILL my blog template. So, if you can't find the sidebar and are wondering where the hell it disappeared to? Yeah, it's at the bottom of the page. The image is too big for the template.


Morpheus


?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

Stupid. Just plain stupid.

A Caveat.

If you don't want to read something self-pitying and just generally depressing turn back now. If you plan on heckling, or otherwise being mean, STOP reading right now.

We all settled? Everyone bucked in? Good. This ain't gonna be pretty.

I am so tired. And scared. And worried. And I feel so damn sad. Ok, yes listening to the music I've been listening to isn't helping. But for crying out loud...this is just ridiculous. I know why I'm scared. Anyone would be in my position, but this is still all so new. I don't know...and that's really the problem, isn't it? I. Don't. Know.

What if I fail? What if in another year I'm still emotionally in the same place. I need to grow. I need to feel like I am making a difference. I need to feel loved. And to love in return.

I need this ice around me to melt. I need to feel like I've got something to look forward to. I can't see it right now.

A new job, a new apartment, a new life. And still tied to the things that don't let me grow. Feeling sick inside. Wanting so much that I can't even mention.

There is so much good in my life, I know that. I've seen it. I see it in the little things. Seeing an old friend, a lightening bug...but there's a "black dog on my shoulder." And 10 points and a drink to whoever catches that obscure little reference.

The chorus from "Two Beds and a Coffee Machine" by Savage Garden. Most of the song is totally not applicable...but I love the chorus.

Another ditch road, you keep moving
Another stop sign, you keep moving on
And the years go by so fast
Wonder how I ever made it through

Haloscan Fun

Yep. Check out my comments. Just do it.

Turns out, haloscan has templates too!!!

This of course means the coloring will be changed at my whim. Whee!!

Sure, I'll Go With It I guess...

You're Elemant is Wind. You're light-hearted,
care-free, kind, sensative, and mysterious. You
have friends and most absolutely love you. You
can be calm and soothing one minute and ragging
in anger the next so no one wants to get on
your bad side. You're beauty is inspiring and
magical.


What's Your Element(girls)? (PICTURES)
brought to you by Quizilla

Pretty Accurate I'd Say

PS - Thank you Leila & Sam. Without realizing it, the two of you pulled me out of my head this afternoon and got me smiling. Thanks guys.


Your Energy is Yellow. You are generous, bright,
and expressive. An excellent communicator, you
keep your audience captivated with your
animated storytelling. Sometimes you talk too
much, but when you learn to listen you will be
sought out for your talents to advise.

The communications field appeals to you as a
profession. Public speaking, writing, radio,
acting or teaching would also be good career
choices.


What color is your energy?
brought to you by Quizilla

Posting for Postings Sake

I have nothing I really want to talk about. This is not to say that there aren't a million things going on in my life - there are. I just don't really have the patience to write about them. Or even to clarify them to the point where I could write about them.

Truth is I'm posting because I keep wincing at the thought of a few of my friends coming after me raising holy hell because I didn't post enough. It's only been a couple of days...but I figure I'd better at least put up something so they know I'm here.

Talk to me in person...I'm not sure what's going on in my head.

Until then this is my life - apartment hunting, working, researching, guitar shopping (if anyone knows what they are doing when it comes to guitars please please PLEASE let me know), and basically transitioning to the "real world" after 6 years in college and another 18 years before that being my parents daughter.

If I figure stuff out I'll let you know.

Last one for tonite

I stumbled on this one on my own. Certain parties might find it amusing. I remember what it was like being 16. Very clearly for various reasons. Oh dear...

My inner child is sixteen years old!

Life's not fair! It's never been fair, but while
adults might just accept that, I know
something's gotta change. And it's gonna
change, just as soon as I become an adult and
get some power of my own.


How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla

Blame Caro!

You can all blame her. She had these. I just needed to not pack for awhile. IT'S NOT MY FAULT!!! THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I PACK FOR LONG PERIODS OF TIME ON END!!!

*insert maniacal laughter here*

Take the quiz: "Which Random Irish Gaelic Phrase Are You? "

Pog mo thoin
Pog mo thoin - 'Kiss my ass.'You're one tough bastard, and if anyone doesn't like it, they can kiss your ass. You enjoy fighting and causing grievous bodily harm. Hey! What are you lookin' at, punk?

Take the quiz: "Which 'Queer Eye' Guy Are You?"

Carson
You are Carson! You're a diva with a fine-tuned sense of style. You have a thing for pet names and Prada. You're hot stuff and you know it, but you can be kind to the little people with littler fashion sense. Right, peanut?

Take the quiz: "Which Tarot Arcana are You? (women)"

High Priestess
Hidden influences at work, unrevealed future. Creative forces of the subconscious, the female side of the brain at work for the artist, poet and mystic. A woman of great intuition, inner illumination.

Take the quiz: "Who Loves You?"

The Girl or Boy Next Door
You realize that you don't need to go very far to find love! Someday when you least expect it (or maybe it's already happened) someone in your area is going to confess their love for you!


You are Form 3, Unicorn: The Innocent.

"And The Unicorn knew she wasn't meant to
go into the Dark Wood. Disregarding the advice
given to her by the spirits, Unicorn went
inside and bled silver blood.. For her
misdeed, the world knew evil."

Some examples of the Unicorn Form are Eve
(Christian) and Pandora (Greek).
The Unicorn is associated with the concept of
innocence, the number 3, and the element of
water.
Her sign is the twilight sun.

As a member of Form 3, you are a curious
individual. You are drawn to new things and
become fascinated with ideas you've never come
in contact with before. Some people may say
you are too nosey, but it's only because you
like getting to the bottom of things and
solving them. Unicorns are the best friends to
have because they are inquisitive.


Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


hug from behind - you like to feel what the other
person is feeling and see things how they see
them. you tend to be serious and emotional.


What Sign of Affection Are You?
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You have an entrancing kiss~ the kind that leaves
your partner bedazzled and maybe even feeling
he/she is dreaming. Quite effective; the kiss
that never lessens and always blows your
partner away like the first time.


What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

What My Birth Month Says About Me

Ok, damn this is accurate. It's somewhat annoying to the more logical side of my personality. Oh well, here it is:

MAY:
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly
motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift


What does your birth month say about you?
brought to you by Quizilla

A Mini-Book Review During a Free Period

Last day subbing - in the middle of my last free period, then 2 classes and a study hall before I'm out to drop some stuff off at home and then pack more.

I got some books from the library yesterday - 2 fiction, 1 nonfic. Nonfic was a book I've been wanting to read for awhile - Finding Darwin's God by Kenneth Miller. It's an excellent book by all accounts, written by a scientist and how he reconciled evolution and religion. I am really looking forward to digging into that one.

Can't remember the name of one of the fictions I picked up - but it seems to be fusing science and religion (Judaism, specifically Mysticism) into an adventure/mystery type of book. It looks good.

And then there's this one...how to meet cute boys by Deanna Kizis (lack of capitalization in the title is deliberate). I started it before the NyQuil kicked in last night, got about half an hour in and brought it with me to read during the day today. I finished it about 20minutes ago. Damn, that means I have to somehow keep myself occupied for the next 3 periods without anything to read with me. The book is 251 pages...I read fast but this was way lighter than even I was expecting.

cute boys is a "chick read." By this I mean it's basically your literary version of Glamour. Normally I don't like books like this AT ALL. I'll pick them up and get bored with the whining about relationships and skip to the end find out how it ends and then walk away. This book actually had potential - it was funny, well written, seemed to be poking fun at the very magazines it topically represents (Cosmo, Lucky, etc). If you're looking for a light summer read, you could do worse.

It earns bonus points just for a witty characterization of the all feared "Peter Pan Complex." Also, it makes mad fun of the ridiculous social customs of hip Los Angelos - ie the Beverly Hills crowd. It's also interspersed with "articles" and quizzes from the faux fashion magazine "Filly" which the main character, lovingly named Benjamina Franklin, writes for.

So the short version? Didn't hate it, acutally liked it, not a waste of 2 hours, great for light beach reading or "I'm bored and need to get my mind off of me for a little bit" reading.

Dust cleaned - Welcome to the New Blog!

HTML coding - DONE. HaloScan? DONE. HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA - I WIN!

Almost. That other template still didn't function, but at least this one is done and set.

Still need to discuss the Harry Potter movie - short version is that it was a great movie. A great day really - saw it with Ehren which was just fun, as I realized about 2 minutes into the previews that we'd never actually seen a movie together. Which given the longevity of our acquaintence was somewhat surprising...still cool. Upon exiting the movie, chatting genially, I found myself uttering the dreaded "girly shriek."

I saw a very good and very old friend entering the theatre, so there was the requiste "OH MY GOD, ERICA!!!" Hee. Poor Ehren. I try not to be that girly on a regular basis...it just sorta slipped out. Ah well. Gotta be female from time to time.

I can't really say much more right now - only because I am tired and have to sub tomorrow. And pack. Because I need to move. I don't want to...stupid drl. *sighs*

Night all!

Pardon Our Dust....

Ok, by now you have realized that there is a new template. Actually depending on how often you have checked this sucker during the day on Saturday, you have in all likelihood seen about 4 different templates.

I found one that I liked (the other one just wasn't doing it for me) but am running into the oddest piece of screwiness. The sidebar stuff was going to the total bottom of the page. In short, it totally sucked.

*sighs*

This is gonna be kept up as a default for the time being. My head hurts and I want to go play.

When we return: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban ~or~ Anathema shamefully admits to majorly crushing on a minor. And Ehren and the NuRoomie go to hell for impure thoughts re: Emma Watson.

What to do When the Substitute is Sick

I'm subbing in the hometown for a few days - which was expected, I'd
agreed to do this months ago (one of the teachers is at a conference in
San Francisco for 4 or 5 days). So of course I'm sick during all of
this. That's right - the substitute teacher is sick. Delicious, I know.

Note - attempting to teach Hardy-Weinburg through a stuffy head and
medication is not conducive to good learning. I think I just confused
the poor children more. Sad really.

Looking forward to getting some rest tonight and during the rest of the
weekend. It will be good. :)

Enjoying the subbing for the most part - really I'm not having to do that
much. Just generally make sure the kids maintain some sense of order.
Showing a video in one class and just keeping the kids on task in the
others. One study hall - I have my book so I'm not bored.

Speaking of which...I need some suggestions for summer reading. I've
been wandering the library lost and confused with no direction at all.
People I need books to read!! Sci-fi/fantasy is good, mystery i can deal
with, suspense, romance, you name it. As long as it is engaging I'm
happy. So, see the comments button down here? Click it. And start
typing in titles...I read quickly so I need a large list to keep me
occupied!

Later! :)

--
http://www.fastmail.fm - Access your email from home and the web

Anathema's Revenge

• CVS Tissues with Lotion...$0.79


• CVS Tissues no Lotion...$0.79


• CVS Brand Sudafed...$3.59


• CVS Brand Afrin Nasal Spray...$4.99


• 1 Gallon Water...$1.09


• NyQuil(tm)...$5.99


• Bitch-slapping this motherfucking bug back to the paleozoic?...priceless

Happy June!

Ok, now that's out of the way, on to other things.

NyQuil is wonderful. I will probably take more tonite. And then I start the Robitussin DM. Because the coughing is driving me insane. And giving me a headache. Grr.

In other news, after all the work I did change and adapt this blog template...I think I'm gonna change it again. This one is bothering me somehow. I don't know when/where I'm going to change it. We'll see I suppose.

You know that's about all I can write at the moment...dinner is just about ready!

Growling Part II: Comprehension Dawns

Yeah. Call me today. Listen to my voice. Sometime overnight I went from a mid-range Alto to a full on baritone. And while part of me revels in the general sexiness of having a voice so low that I sound like a muted tuba the other part of me is desperately hoping that this is just allergies brought on by massive dust etc. Because I am subbing for the last half of this week and the first half of next. Bad timing to get sick my friends...BAD timing.

So instead I am sitting here with a mug of "I Love Lemon" herbal tea doused liberally with honey from the honey bear.

Incidentally, this does actually explain the feeling of unease I had last night. Nice to have things explained at least!

West Wing marathon today - I'm hoping to finally see "Two Cathedrals" tonight at 9.