But Why Is The Rum Gone?

A bit how I feel like my life at the moment. Why is the rum gone? I should feel fairly happy - yes true the kids came back but they seem alright for the most part. Life goes on. And yet...

Disconnect. Again. I know, big suprise. I guess for awhile there I was feeling plugged in again, though why I couldn't tell you. Now? Not as such. Which is why instead of going to bed I'm sitting here blogging in code words so that I won't hurt the feelings of those whom I adore.

For a bit there, felt like there were some people who were in the same spot as I...now I feel like it's all gone to pot again. Everyone who I'm close to is at this different spot in their lives, and I can't quite seem to get there. Grr, argh. Instead I sit on the sidelines watching, wondering what I need to do to get in the game. I've had suggestions, but they all feel...not right. Contrary to something pretty deep inside. And even those suggestions are far and few between. I don't want to talk about it anymore, really the only reason I'm blogging is that if I don't get it out I'm pretty sure I'm not going to sleep tonight.

I was in professional mode most of the summer - and when I was there I felt fine. I stopped that and here I am again. I go out...and I feel like I'm struggling to keep from, I dunno, sulking in a corner somewhere. Actually most of hte going out inicdents leave me feeling pretty humiliated. I enjoy them, but I always feel bad after.

This is the part where I should go back to the beginning, and say that while the rum is gone, perhaps the thousand foot signal that burning the vile drink causes will result in the metaphorical rescue ship.

I don't believe that. I'm not being pessimistic...because I haven't lost hope exactly. I just don't have it. It's the absence of even lack of hope that drives people to despair. It's not even apathy, which has negative connotations. Rather, I'm just...existing. Complete removal from everything, and everyone. God I wish I could talk to someone about this. In the meantime, no helpful platitudes no nothing. Going out again Friday, hopefully this night will end without the requisite shame and humiliation.

Yee-fucking-haw.

Kittens, Books, Boxes, and a dash of quiz fun

Busy couple of weeks...you can read some of the shared experiences here, but outside of that let's talk turkey...

I had dinner last Friday with K. and her parents (her brother was there for a bit) and all seemed quite concerned that I would find the whole thing traumatizing. I'm not sure why... Parents seemed to think I'd be offended, K. thought I'd be offended by right-wing opinions, which is ridiculous. Among other things, I dated the "right-wing" computer scientist, and really he's the only relationship I've had which I would actually be willing to put myself through again, so not so much worried with the parental opinions. Oh well!

We found a Book Sale - literally. It was called "The Book Sale." It's like this traveling tag sale for books...very very cool. I got a cook book that I'd wanted, hardcover editions of Neil Gaiman's The Day I Swapped My Dad for Two Goldfish and The Wolves in the Walls (both of which I was dying to get) and Laurie R. King's The Game, which I've read, but I guess I'm sorta collecting the series at this point...it's just nice to have a full set I suppose. Plus now I can get Ehren to read it...it's really a great book. Did I mention I got all of the above for under $30? And I'm really thinking of going back and getting Legends II, a collection of short stories...but I hesitate because there is really only one story I want out of there...the rest would be deadweight...on the other hand, it's pretty inexpensive for the whole shebang, so you gotta wonder.

OK, so enough with the books. And I'm gonna ignore the boxes that still surround me, because that's more fun then, well, dealing with them.

KITTENS!

Yup...I finally got a cat. His name is Hob, and as you can tell by pictures, he's an orange/white tiger. He is cute...but has a slight upper-resp thing, so he sounds a little like Darth Vader. Except a wimpy Darth...he's about 13 weeks old, so he's pretty tiny. And cute. Really really cute. But you can see that in the pictures. :) The URI is amusing in that we have to give poor Hob amoxicillian twice a day. K holds him, hog tied, while I drop the pink stuff (it's the same stuff down to the bubblegum flavor that kids take) into his throat. We know he's getting better because he's started protesting. Loudly and vociferously.
Cleo, K's cat, is not thrilled with the new addition to the household. She hasn't taken a swipe at him...but she just makes really deep growling noises when she sees him, or he's in the room. If she's not growling she's staring at him...it's amusing. He has been doing everything to show he's submissive, but she wants nothing to do with him. He was trying to play with her today...he keeps bounding after her. And I literally mean bounding. He looks like someone put springs under his paws. Cleo, as is evidenced in the picture below, is less than thrilled with this entire development.Actually, here's a shot from a bit further away, you can see the animosity...




"You! Off my planet!"


















The little one, is staring into K's curio cabinet. Which has a mirror in the back. So more precisely, he is staring at himself in the mirror...





"You're so vain...you probably think this post is about you..."

















And, just to round things out...2 quizzes which explain quite a lot about me. Except the one about my sense of humor. I can't imagine where you can get an idea like that about me, really now...

Very Well-Rounded You have: 62% SCIENTIFIC INTUITION and 62% EMOTIONAL INTUITION

The graph on the belowt represents your place in Intuition 2-Space. As you can see, you scored above average on emotional intuition and above average on scientific intuition. (Weirdly, your emotional and scientific intuitions are equally strong.) Your Emotional Intuition score is a measure of how well you understand people, especially their unspoken needs and sympathies. A high score score usually indicates social grace and persuasiveness. A low score usually means you're good at Quake. Your Scientific Intuition score tells you how in tune you are with the world around you; how well you understand your physical and intellectual environment. People with high scores here are apt to succeed in business and, of course, the sciences.

My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 99% on Scientific You scored higher than 99% on Interpersonal

Link: The 2-Variable Intuition Test written by jason_bateman on Ok Cupid

I took the "What's So Funny?" quiz on gURL.com
		My sense of humor is... Sarcastic You seem to prefer brainy under-stated humor, especially when it has a bite. Do you know some people who need to be cut down to size? If so, you probably like sarcasm--a form of wit in which the object of the joke is a victim of ridicule or criticism. Read more... What is your sense of humor?

Surrounded by boxes. Again...

And I'm all moved in to the new place. I have survived and enjoyed the AP institute. I am adjusting to life with one cat, and contemplating getting another one. And, today, we bought fabric for curtains. And crushed red pepper.

I am pleased.

I start back at school on the 24th and have much to accomplish before then. But, I am cautiously optimistic of all things going on there. I still have much to do, in terms of unpacking, but I feel like I've got a good start on that. I haven't accomplished everything I wanted to this summer...but still I've made a dent, and given how much stuff I was doing, I say I've done a decent job. Yay! :)

I don't really have anything else to add...looking at gyms tomorrow (there are two in the area) with Karen...also looking at TV's...if anyone knows anything about such things and is willing to come along as a "technical advisor" it would be much appreciated.

I need some motivation - anyone got an ounce to spare? Let me know!

And I'm off to do some reading, or watch TV or basically enjoy the last little bit of my vacation...later!