If you don't want to read something self-pitying and just generally depressing turn back now. If you plan on heckling, or otherwise being mean, STOP reading right now.
We all settled? Everyone bucked in? Good. This ain't gonna be pretty.
I am so tired. And scared. And worried. And I feel so damn sad. Ok, yes listening to the music I've been listening to isn't helping. But for crying out loud...this is just ridiculous. I know why I'm scared. Anyone would be in my position, but this is still all so new. I don't know...and that's really the problem, isn't it? I. Don't. Know.
What if I fail? What if in another year I'm still emotionally in the same place. I need to grow. I need to feel like I am making a difference. I need to feel loved. And to love in return.
I need this ice around me to melt. I need to feel like I've got something to look forward to. I can't see it right now.
A new job, a new apartment, a new life. And still tied to the things that don't let me grow. Feeling sick inside. Wanting so much that I can't even mention.
There is so much good in my life, I know that. I've seen it. I see it in the little things. Seeing an old friend, a lightening bug...but there's a "black dog on my shoulder." And 10 points and a drink to whoever catches that obscure little reference.
The chorus from "Two Beds and a Coffee Machine" by Savage Garden. Most of the song is totally not applicable...but I love the chorus.
Another ditch road, you keep moving
Another stop sign, you keep moving on
And the years go by so fast
Wonder how I ever made it through
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