Meloncholy Moods

Feeling a bit lost and pathetic ~ not sure what I want, not particularly happy, but I can't pinpoint what I need to change. I have a disturbing feeling that what I need to change is me. There's an old quote, I'm too lazy to google the original author right now, that feels appropriate. Sheryl Crow did use it in a song a couple years ago (Soak Up the Sun for those keeping track). The basic gist is - happiness isn't having what you want, it's wanting what you have.

Is it that simple? Or that hard really. If I simply accept my life as it is will that be enough to make me happy? Do I need to make a change? In myself or in what I am doing?

I can't decide if I want to fast forward things by 4 months, or rewind them by 6. Or more. Maybe if I go back far enough, I can make that one change...I even think I know what the change would be, that would alter the outcome. Of course the problem with thinking like this is I totally lose control and start seeing the interdependence of things. No linear time line changes for me, oh no. I change one thing and I change them all, don't I?

Why do I only get meta at weird hours of the morning? It's a rhetorical question I suppose, something I'm throwing out into the void...good night dear void.

Query that I once posed...when you look out into the abyss, have you ever considered that the abyss looks back into you?

Goodnight abyss. Goodnight void.