A Quickie

Like the title says - this is gonna be fast and furious. I am moving tomorrow, which is to say I get the keys to the new place, though I am not quite sure I'm going to be sleeping there tomorrow night. Actually, considering I still need to get a bed and a shower curtain, I'm thinking spending the night there, not so much on ye olde agenda. But, we'll see.

Turns out after being bored to tears, tomorrow I have more invitations than I know what to do with. Bloody hell. Hate it when that happens.

Ehren, you had best be showing up...hang over or no hang over!

I think I scared the crap out of Leila tonight...I went to my "dark" place. 'Cept it wasn't that dark, which is good in the sense that I got out before I was too far in, but bad in the sense that I think Leila got scared too quickly...I wonder how she's gonna react when I really melt down one of these days.

Leila - thanks for talking to me tho. It's precisely what I needed to keep myself in check. I'm much better now, I swear. We'll talk more about it later - just know you handled it the right way.

Ok, so I'm gonna be not so much on IM until August 4th when the internet/cable/phone services are hooked up. So if y'all want to talk, use the bloody phone! :)

Much love to all, and to all a good night.

Alrighty then....

My sphere is Guardian (Person of great Love and Altruism), and my class is Arms Master (Pragmatic and Stout). I am a Guard. You are a true, versatile guard. You have a defensive nature, that is, you are good at instilling a sense of security in the places around you. A strong presence weakens any possible threats around you, and a swift, practical approach to the problems that crop up puts them down before they can get out of hand. What kind of Warrior are you?

So basically...this is yet another way of saying "Mommy." Damnit...

Wistfully Waxing Nostalgic

Just saw "Ocean's Eleven" on TNT tonight.  What a spectacular movie...I adore it.  What's amusing is that it's a totally romantic film in my mind, something which I don't think many people immediately agree with.  Especially when the romance of the film doesn't involve Julia Roberts' scenes at all really.
 
I guess what really got me is one of the last scenes, by the Bellagio fountain.  The scene is beautiful, and if you haven't seen the movie really you should watch it for that one scene if nothing else.  Anyway, the piece of music playing in the background is DeBussy's "Clair de lun."  It's a fabulous piece and the in conjunction with the fountain it's breathtaking. 
 
The other thing is...that scene reminded me of one of the most romantic moments of my life, thus far at any rate.  And the funny thing is that the gentleman in question wasn't even in the same state as I was at the moment.  For that matter, he and I didn't even talk...I got a voicemail!  He called me from a vacation in Las Vegas, from the Bellagio fountain and was talking to me watching the light show.  It was...wonderful.  That he was thinking of me while watching this fantastic light show.  If men knew how easily women are impressed with stuff like that...there would be many more happy girlfriends! 
 
It probably helps that on an early date we sat and listened to Romantic Piano Classics ~ including Clair de lun, and as a result that piece is always associated with warm fuzzies. 
 
Ah, warm fuzzies.  How I missed thee. 
 
Also in the warm fuzzies catagory, had a rather nice moment today.  Roomie called to relay the following sitch.  Was mentioning me in passing at a party/picnic thing - discussing our fabulous new apartment, etc.  And he mentioned me by name - one of his friends responded with something to the effect of "what a beautiful name!  Sounds like the name of flowers...I'd like to walk into a florist and say I wanted a dozen of those!" 
 
A short and not particularly scintillating anecdote...but put a smile on my face no less. 
 
Back to listening to Romantic Piano Classics.  Sleep sweet all. 

Be Careful What You Wish For -Or- We Are Family

When I was in high school, and even through parts of college, I wanted a big brother. This isn't particularly suprising when you consider I was the oldest, a girl not to mention the oldest girl in a first generation family. Wanting a big brother to look out for me, and to look up to, this was not a surprising wish.

I should have known better.

In the last month I've managed to pick up two pseudo-brothers. One of whom is actually older than me, the other one who just sorta acts it.

And I'm getting the full experience - only less "I'll look out for you" and more "let me antagonize you. A lot."

I didn't need that! I HAVE a little brother - I'm quite familiar with the antagonizing aspects of sibling-hood...

Oy.

This is a test...

Blogger has DEFINATELY changed things up again.  You no longer have to manually input the html code, as you can now do keyboard shortcuts... for example:

ctrl + B
ctrl +i

And colors...
 
All sorts of pretty colors
 
Best of all?  ctrl + S will publish no questions asked...cool...

Emotional Exhaustion

So if you go back and look at Leila's blog (too tired to put the links in, you people do the work) you'll see that she and I had a conversation about lost loves etc a while back. Might have been last week, might have been the week before that. Who knows. Anyway, at the time I thought I had been clear who I was referring too. Not so much apparently. I found this out while discussing American Gods and its awesome ending. Here's the conversation that precipitated it:

Anathema: and if you're anything like me, i'll get a phone call within 5 min of you getting it saying something to the effect of "OH MY GOD! THAT ROCKED!"
Leila: hehe
A: i got that call from him.
L: nice
A: and he finished it weeks after breaking my heart
L: he broke your heart?
A: so if he called under those circumstances...
A: ...
A: oh god.
A: leila...you know he and i dated, right?
L: yes i know
A: and he cheated on me?
A: ok...
L: ah that i didn't know
A: oh boy
A: hang on
A: let me figure out how to short hand this for you

Needless to say a story like that doesn't shorthand...well at all. The result? A VERY VERY LONG story where I ended up digging up some stuff that I had worked good and hard to bury. Deeply. In a safe. Capable of withstanding a blast from anything up to and including a hydrogen bomb.

I am very very very tired. I am very emotional. I haven't been that close to crying in a long time. It was pointed out to me by two different people that crying would be a good thing to do every now and then. I didn't cry. I'm glad I didn't in a way. I shed my tears over this long ago, and frankly I am not all that interested in being a professional victim. Frankly I know people who do that and I find it disgusting. And annoying. And the antithesis of what I strive to do. I would rather make peace with my past, and be aware of it so that I dont relive it.

However, as another dear friend said "and I bet it was good to talk about the things that roughed ya up before. It's good to talk about em sometimes."

Indeed.

Plus, got to talk more with Leila, who I'm finding to be an friend of the best sort - unexpected.

So for now those memories, good, bad and bittersweet are being wrapped back in tissue paper, carefully packed and put in the attic. For a little while at least.

I am to bed. For emotionally drained as I am, I require sleep. So...

Sleeping the sleep of the just. Catch ya on the flip side.

The Year I Was Born Was A Very Good Year

In 1980 (the year you were born)

Jimmy Carter is president of the US President Carter announces punitive measures and embargos against the USSR in retaliation for the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan Mount St. Helens in Washington state erupts in a violent blast estimated to be 500 times as powerful as the Hiroshima atomic bomb Ronald Reagan is elected the 40th US president in a sweeping victory US Representative Michael O. Myers is expelled from the House for his role in the Abscam scandal Hewlett-Packard announces release of its first personal computer Microsoft announces their version of UNIX, Xenix Christina Ricci, Chelsea Clinton, Venus Williams, Jessica Simpson, Macaulay Culkin, and Jake Gyllenhaal are born Philadelphia Phllies win the World Series Pittsburgh Steelers win Superbowl XIV New York Islanders win the Stanley Cup The Empire Strikes Back is the top grossing film "Lady" by Kenny Rogers spends the most time at the top of the US charts U.S. viewers get caught up in the "Who Shot J.R.?" cliff hanger on the soap opera series, Dallas, which is solved on a November 21 episode, drawing a record numbers of viewers

What Happened the Year You Were Born?

More cool things for your blog at
Blogthings

For the record? Mt. St. Helens blew it's top hours before I was born. Now that's what I call an entrance!

Just call me Dr. Moriarty...

Yep. That's just about right. Wouldn't have minded being the double agent...but I think this got it in one.






What Type of Villain are You?

mutedfaith.com.


Moral of the story? Don't mess with me people. Just dont.

I am wowed and happy

The concert tonite...it rocked. I was wowed by the artists in suprising ways. I also discovered that I am living with a seriously strange individual.

So much to tell and I'm exhausted...so we'll try the highlights for the time being.

First of all...hanging out with Leila and G. for the better part of the day...well Leila put it best "G. and I were driving A. up a wall, it was hilarious. Poor abused A., she knows we love her.

For the record Leila? I know no such thing - you two are incredibly lucky I didn't drive the car off a cliff!! Those two...honestly "She took my glasses!" "He's touching me!" It was like I was mommy. To my good friend and my roommate. I wanted to shoot them...oy vey they are nuts! The words "If you two don't stop right now so help me god I will come over there and separate you..." actually left my mouth. And that was while were in the restaurant...before we even got to the concert!

Driving was interesting, as both of them were trying their damndest to keep me well and truly distracted. Making faces...G. it turns out is impossible. He was in the doghouse for a while... and ended up having to pull the "I cook REALLY REALLY well" card to get out of it. Once the 80's music started though...we were all good. G. does an amazingly on target rendition of "Baby Got Back". I was laughing hysterically. And trying to navigate on 691. It was super. We also totally took the long way to get there, but that's an entirely different story.

The concert itself rocked - we ran into Sam, Ben, Ben's gf, Niamh, and Niamh's bf Erik whilst we were there. That was hot. The music was unbelievable.

Guster was guster - they were their usual fun selves...not the best performance of their's that I've seen but it rocked nonetheless. What was cool was that each act had the other two acts come in at least once during their set and perform together. It would have been nice to see all 3 acts perform together on one, but alas, that was not meant to be.

Ben Folds was next...what can I say? Ben does things to the piano that NO ONE should be able to do. He sang a song about his little girl that was just so incredibly sweet. And then he had Rufus come out.

Holy Hell...it was amazing. They did a duet of George Michael's "Careless Whisper." G., Leila, and I were all just sitting there in shock. As Lei put it - "check please". Indeed. The duet was just amazing...I am PRAYING that someone from the guster site taped the show...because I NEED to find that track. I will pay money for that track it was that good. Ehren, if you're reading this...you have no idea what you missed with that one song. If I had only heard that one song I could have gone home happy. AMAZING If anyone out there knows where to get that rendition anywhere PLEASE let me know. PLEASE!!!

Rufus was the finisher. A mistake in some senses I think - I love the man. I really do - but I think in some ways he's better suited to smaller venues. He's more charming there, and it just comes off better in a small club where you can see him and vice versa. The banter didn't work as well in the larger setting. Also, he's much more mellow than the other two - it's a tough way to close. Everyone's a little tired - and mellow doesn't help much. He and Guster sang together on "April Fools" but also on "One Man Boy." The latter? Also just beautiful.

Ok I'm really really exhausted. Oh, as an aside, I have a new address starting the end of the month :) Lot been going on.

Am I back from Hiatus? Um...let's just take it one post at a time shall we?

Night.

Still on Hiatus...just taking a break for a post

Yes. Still on a blogging hiatus. Just decided to take a quick break due to extreme good mood. Why the good mood? Two words.

Retail.

Therepy.

Yes, my credit card got some solid exercise. A watch, wallet, 2 pairs of shorts, purse, and a bottle of men's cologne (GAP Blue) later, I was happy.

The cologne isn't for me - talked to Ehren and he asked me to pick him up a bottle. Which is fine. But, any serious relationship I enter in with the opposite sex? He must come equipped with GAP Blue, or be willing to wear it.

Because it drives me INSANE. I have no logical explanation for it. It just does.

Happy place. I am in my happy place. Went shopping yesterday (Friday night) with G - saw Leila at work which was fun and happy as well. Realized the new roommate is going to be incredibly easy to shop for - and even more fun to shop with. I have found a new shopping buddy - sweet!

This means things will inevitably get worse - the highs never last. But it's been nice so far, so I'll just go with it for what it's worth.

Night all.

Postscript: blogger is doing something more than a little wacky at the moment...which means that posts aren't posting and getting to a blogger webpage takes refreshing several times. Bloody wacky thing to be happening. If you are able to read this props for your patience! Catch ya on the flip side!

ON HIATUS

Neil can do it. So I am to. This blog is officially on hiatus for about a month. I'll be back in mid-August. I might post super erratically in the interim. But for the most part, I'm not here emotionally for at least 4 weeks.

Catch you guys on the flip side.

Nothing is going on...really...

It's time for another GUILT POST! Yes, I feel bad for not writing anything, mostly because I'm getting some people mentioning the lack of posting...

But I have nothing going on in my life! I am enjoying my summer to the utmost. Watching movies, hanging out with friends and meeting new people. It is all very very dull. The entire month of July is going to be similarly boring. August will be fascinating. But outside of that, ain't nothing happening. I promise you.

*sighs*

I'll try to keep updating with amusing anecdotes, I think I'm just enjoying living my life not just writing about it for a little while. It's summer lethargia. And I am LOVING it. This is the first time in YEARS that I have been able to enjoy summer, instead of running around like a mad woman. Go me!

My best friend is home from Germany for a few days - and then he's coming home for good by the end of the month - just in time to help me move. So excited - I got to see him last night and am going out to lunch with him today. It was super to catch up in person - and realize we've known each other for about a decade. My oldest friend I've known for almost 2 - falling just short at 18 years. Definately getting old.

But here's a secret, shhhhh...I'm a enjoying 24. It's a nice age to be. :)

I'm gonna go get ready for lunch now - but I'll try to post again soon.

More Quiz Fun

Would you survive a horror movie? Find out @ She's Crafty
Rock on dude - intelligent with a good dose of common sense too, that's me!


Which Sex and the City Player Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty
Yep. The cynical one. That's me. Love Miranda. LOVE HER.


Which Action Star Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty
Harrison Ford - yay! And let's just change that last bit to "always gets the hot guy...AND the bad guy" shall we?


Who's Your 80s Movie Icon Alter-Ego? Find out @ She's Crafty
Ahhh, Sarah Jessica Parker BEFORE she got sexed up. Interesting...


Who's Your Movie Sidekick? Find out @ She's Crafty
Hee - funny thing is I have a friend like that. Only she's a he...hee hee hee


Which O.C. Character Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty
Cool. I get to be the female Seth. I LOVE Seth.


What's Your Problem? Find out @ She's Crafty
And there is proof that these things are BS - relatively problem free my ass. I have more baggage than JFK during the Christmas rush!


Who Would Slaughter You in a Horror Movie? Find out @ She's Crafty
Alrighty then...anyone up for going to the movies with me today??

Rage.

Today has been the worst day I've had in months. I mean that truly - it really would have had to have worked hard to get worse. I don't particularly want to discuss it - but I can say that tonight I wanted to do something truly self-destructive. I wanted to go 100mph on a steep curvey road. I wanted to drink myself sick. What I really wanted to do was destroy something beautiful. Take it and just lay waste to it, smash it to unrecognizable chunks and then go back for more. Don't know what I wanted to destroy precisely, but if I had seen it I would have known.

Called a friend in tears, pretended everything was ok. Bless his heart he didn't believe a word of it but was content to let me be. He helped. Too bad things got worse later.

So that's been my day. I handle rage well.

I don't want to go to sleep. I've been having nightmares again. Hello insomnia. Made the next bit all the more timely.

Stumbled across this while trying to figure out what the hell I have for mp3s. It was thoroughly unlabeled, and in a cappella version, which means I had to try and decipher lyrics through vocal perc. The song turned out to be "Insomniac" originally done by Billy Pilgrim, which I promptly downloaded. The version I have I think is by the Virginia Gentlemen. Whatever. It's a beautiful song. Lyrics posted below for your pleasure.

Insomniac
Billy Pilgrim
I can see you, don't even know you
Falling into the sheets at night
I place my hands flat on my chest
I feel the heart beat back the night
I try counting sheep, and I talk to the shepherd
And I play with my pillow for ever and ever
I sit alone and I watch the clock
I breathe in on the tick and out on the tock

Refrain:
I can hear your bare feet on the kitchen floor
I don't have to have these dreams no more
Cause I've found someone just to hold me tight
Hold the insomniac all night

Dig my head down deep so I can't hear the cars outside on the street
And the stars are laughing
They get a kick out of my misery
I tried everything short of Aristotle to Dramamine
And the whiskey bottle
Pray for the day when my ship comes in
I can sleep the sleep of the just again

Refrain
Instrumental
Refrain

Muppet Babies!

So after reformatting my computer about 6 times in 2 days (don't ask. It's too long a story to type here - suffice it to say there were moments where my recalcitrant computer almost got tossed. Several moments. Back to our regularly scheduled story), I decided to go ahead and organize my mp3s, get rid of repeats and make sure things are labeled at least somewhat correctly in iTunes. Fun times.

Either way I ran across my Muppets folder. Yes I have an entire folder devoted to songs from the Muppets, Sesame Street, Animaniacs etc. It rocks! I was going through labeling when I hit the song "I'm Gonna Always Love You" from the movie The Muppets Take Manhattan.

This next bit assumes you have seen the television show "Muppet Babies." If you haven't you much contact me immediately to remedy this. What alot of people don't neccessarily know is that the show Muppet Babies was created because of a scene from "The Muppets Take Manhattan" where Miss Piggy imagines what it would have been like if the Muppets had met when they were little. I generally hate Miss Piggy - she is definately my least favorite muppet - but the song rocks.

Actually it has kinda a neat message about having it all...besides which it is just adorable...so here's what I'm doing - I'm posting the lyrics down below and then linking the song on henson.com. Check it out, it's not the full thing, but if you want it give me a buzz. It's totally worth it, trust me.

I'm Gonna Always Love You
(Dialogue intro, in Central Park)
Statler: Hey, look Waldorf--it's the frog and the pig!
Waldorf: Yeah, looks like they're in love.
Statler: Yeah. Kinda makes you sick, doesn't it?
(Trademark laughter from both, followed by catcalls at Piggy and Kermit, who don't notice)

Miss Piggy: Oh, Kermie, I'm sorry I yelled at you. And I didn't mean it when I said it would have been better if we had never met. In fact, I wish we had met much sooner. . .Kermit, wouldn't it have been wonderful if we had known each other when we were little? Imagine...little Kermie....and little Piggy.

FADE OUT....FADE IN TO MUPPET BABY NURSERY
Baby Rowlf at piano, Baby Piggy sitting on it

Baby Piggy:
No matter what life may bring,
no matter what I may do,
be sure of one special thing
I'm gonna always be loving you.


(Tempo speeds up, Baby Rowlf plays an awesome piano intro...)


Baby Piggy:
I'm gonna be a movie star
And I'm gonna learn to drive a car
Gonna be a veterinarian too
And I'm gonna always love you.


(Musical, jazzy bridge)


Baby Kermit: Hi guys! Hi Fozzie!
Baby Gonzo: Hi Kermit!
Baby Scooter: Hello!
Baby Fozzie: Hiya!



Baby Piggy:
I'll be the cutest model you ever saw
Then I think I'll study criminal law
And I'm gonna learn to scuba dive too.
And I'm gonna always love you.


Baby Fozzie:
Ma ma ga ga boop boop sha wah wah
Baby Fozzie/Baby Gonzo:
Ma ma ga ga boop boop sha wah wah
Baby Fozzie/Baby Gonzo/Baby Scooter:
Ma ma ga ga boop boop sha wah wah
wah wah wah wah!


Baby Piggy:
Well, I'm gonna be a singer, whoa whoa whoa!
And I'm gonna learn to fly a plane!
(Fozzie: Wacka wacka wacka)
I'll be a doctor for diseases
and help you with your sneezes
And practice neurosurgery on your brain!


Gonna climb the Matterhorn
But only after all our children are born
'Cause I wanna be a good mommy too!
And I'm gonna always love you!


Baby Fozzie/Baby Gonzo/Baby Scooter:
Ma ma ga ga boop boop sha wah wah
Ma ma ga ga boop boop sha wah wah
Ma ma ga ga boop boop sha wah wah
wah wah wah wah!


Baby Kermit:
She's gonna be a movie star!
And she's gonna learn to drive a car!
She's gonna be a veterinarian too!
Baby Piggy:
And I'm always gonna love you--ooh ooh ooh!


Baby Fozzie:
Well, she's gonna be a singer, whoa whoa whoa
Baby Scooter:
And she's gonna learn to fly a plane!
Baby Rowlf:
She'll be a doctor for diseases
and help you with your sneezes
Baby Gonzo:
And practice neurosurgery on your brain!


Baby Piggy/Other Babies:
Gonna climb the Matterhorn (ma ma ga ga boop boop sha wah wah)
But only after all our children are born (ma ma ga ga boop boop sha wah wah)
'Cause I wanna be a good mommy too (ma ma ga ga boop boop sha wah wah)
And I'm gonna always love you! (ma ma ga ga boop boop sha wah wah)

I also have the Boogie Woogie Sheep and...I have a lot of songs that are gonna trip nostalgia from you guys. Let me know if you're looking for something!

Whoa...this is EERIE

Occasionally these things hit it on the head.

In addition to being maybe a little in love with Neil Gaiman's incarnation of this fellow, I always strongly identified with him. Steve-o and Erika would get the connection. The rest of you...ask...

Oh, and I have a feeling that the image is going to KILL my blog template. So, if you can't find the sidebar and are wondering where the hell it disappeared to? Yeah, it's at the bottom of the page. The image is too big for the template.


Morpheus


?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
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Stupid. Just plain stupid.

A Caveat.

If you don't want to read something self-pitying and just generally depressing turn back now. If you plan on heckling, or otherwise being mean, STOP reading right now.

We all settled? Everyone bucked in? Good. This ain't gonna be pretty.

I am so tired. And scared. And worried. And I feel so damn sad. Ok, yes listening to the music I've been listening to isn't helping. But for crying out loud...this is just ridiculous. I know why I'm scared. Anyone would be in my position, but this is still all so new. I don't know...and that's really the problem, isn't it? I. Don't. Know.

What if I fail? What if in another year I'm still emotionally in the same place. I need to grow. I need to feel like I am making a difference. I need to feel loved. And to love in return.

I need this ice around me to melt. I need to feel like I've got something to look forward to. I can't see it right now.

A new job, a new apartment, a new life. And still tied to the things that don't let me grow. Feeling sick inside. Wanting so much that I can't even mention.

There is so much good in my life, I know that. I've seen it. I see it in the little things. Seeing an old friend, a lightening bug...but there's a "black dog on my shoulder." And 10 points and a drink to whoever catches that obscure little reference.

The chorus from "Two Beds and a Coffee Machine" by Savage Garden. Most of the song is totally not applicable...but I love the chorus.

Another ditch road, you keep moving
Another stop sign, you keep moving on
And the years go by so fast
Wonder how I ever made it through

Haloscan Fun

Yep. Check out my comments. Just do it.

Turns out, haloscan has templates too!!!

This of course means the coloring will be changed at my whim. Whee!!

Sure, I'll Go With It I guess...

You're Elemant is Wind. You're light-hearted,
care-free, kind, sensative, and mysterious. You
have friends and most absolutely love you. You
can be calm and soothing one minute and ragging
in anger the next so no one wants to get on
your bad side. You're beauty is inspiring and
magical.


What's Your Element(girls)? (PICTURES)
brought to you by Quizilla

Pretty Accurate I'd Say

PS - Thank you Leila & Sam. Without realizing it, the two of you pulled me out of my head this afternoon and got me smiling. Thanks guys.


Your Energy is Yellow. You are generous, bright,
and expressive. An excellent communicator, you
keep your audience captivated with your
animated storytelling. Sometimes you talk too
much, but when you learn to listen you will be
sought out for your talents to advise.

The communications field appeals to you as a
profession. Public speaking, writing, radio,
acting or teaching would also be good career
choices.


What color is your energy?
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