April 2005 - Lindsay and Karen and I at Murphy and Scarlettis 

Fall 2005 - Hob gets a bath 

Tom, Liz, Me, Summer 2002 Rockapella concert East Hartford 

Finding my first letterbox, February 2004 

Lyman Orchards, September 2001

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

We need to talk.

I care about you. I do. But you need to understand something. I am at heart a very private person. I wear my heart on my sleeve - but it's encoded in about 8 different layers. An enigma machine can't crack it. Only those who know me well.

So this? It isn't working out. We gave it a go, we tried. We had some fun times. But now? We've grown, we've changed. I've changed. It's not you - it's me. I need something else in my life right now. So, Blog, I'm taking a break. Let's not call it a break up...we can still be friends. Eventually. But right now I just need some time and space away. Let's leave it on a positive note, and not drag it on until we hate each other. Be good. Be happy.

For those of you following at home - I can't do the self indulgent crap on line where everyone can see it. I can't and it just makes me angry when people respond by telling me to just snap out of it. Or to go get some exercise. Or, best yet, "if you're not happy then change what you're doing." Because what is really being said is "change who you are. compromise that which you believe in because we don't want to hear you be sad anymore."

Well, screw that. But, in order to keep that dignity to myself, that means this *gestures around at blog* needs to stop. For the forseeable future. Maybe forever. Who knows. I am just sick and tired of everything. All of it. And there is no need to keep lamenting it in public places. Because all it ends in is trite information from people who don't really care. Or think there's a quick easy solution to everything.

There isn't and I'll be damned if...

anyway. g'bye.

I Wish I had more time

...to write a really good in depth post. Alas, I do not. So let me make this short and sweet.

Over the last two days K. and I have watched 3 movies. Batman Begins was, meh. I mean I liked it fine, I just didn't see anything that makes me want to see it again.

Bride and Prejudice and House of D on the other hand...beautiful.

Bride and Prejudice, if you all hadn't heard, is a modern day re-telling of Pride and Prejudice, taking place in India (mostly a place known as Amritsar), London, and LA. The movie, besides feauturing some beautiful women and drop dead gorgeous handsome men, was funny and just throughly enjoyable. We shall have to talk about it in person.

House of D. Man, we just finished watching it and my head is still spinning. As a movie it was quite honestly fabulous. David Duchovney wrote and directed and had the lead role - sort of. He was the adult version of the main character, and he starts off the movie and ends it. Beautifully done, K and I were laughing, smiling, drooling, and maybe getting a wee bit weepy throughout. Again you just need to watch it. It's a great coming of age story, features Robin Williams and many other fine actors. Including Tea Leoni. David's wife. Playing his mother. I don't want to spoil the movie, and it's hard not to because I just watched it. Trust me - you want to find this movie.

Actually, Bride and House are two movies that I would actually buy. Or convince someone to get me for any sort of holiday. It is technically Diwali I suppose. But that's a topic that is sensitive and that I don't want to discuss.

Ok, off to brush the teeth and chill out before I go to bed at a reasonable hour. :)

Not A Real Post

The Sonnet Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (DGLDf) Romantic, hopeful, and composed. You are the Sonnet. Get it? Composed? Sonnets want Love and have high ideals about it. They're conscientious people, caring & careful. You yourself have deep convictions, and you devote a lot of thought to romance and what it should be. This will frighten away most potential mates, but that's okay, because you're very choosy with your affections anyway. You'd absolutely refuse to date someone dumber than you, for instance. Your exact opposite: Genghis Khunt Random Brutal Sex Master Lovers who share your idealized perspective, or who are at least willing to totally throw themselves into a relationship, will be very, very happy with you. And you with them. You're already selfless and compassionate, and with the right partner, there's no doubt you can be sensual, even adventurously so. You probably have lots of female friends, and they have a special soft spot for you. Babies do, too, at the tippy-top of their baby skulls. ALWAYS AVOID: The 5-Night Stand, The False Messiah, The Hornivore, The Last Man on Earth CONSIDER: The Loverboy Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating. My profile name: Anathema52380

You're a slightly tarnished metal key, and you
unlock the wardrobe. At first glance, you seem
to present only simple, everyday things, but
anyone who looks deeper will find much more.
Just don't expect everyone to believe in you,
and those who don't may not grasp your worth.


What sort of key are you and what do you unlock?
brought to you by Quizilla



Which Princess Bride Character are You?
this quiz was made by mysti

An Addendum

I fully forgot to include this bit about "Anansi Boys." Here, word-for-word is the dedication that Neil Gaiman wrote:

You know how it is. You pick up a book, flip to the dedication, and find that, once again, the author has dedicated a book to someone else and not to you.

Not this time.

Because we haven't yet met/have only a glancing acquaintance/are just crazy about each other/haven't seen each other in much too long/are in some way related/will never meet, but will, I trust, despite that, always think fondly of each other. . . .

This one's for you.

With you know what, and you probably know why.


How can you not read a book with such a dedication? It's really sweet. He also, in the acknowledgements at the end, said some very nice things about the readers of neilgaiman.com.

It's easy to see why the man is my favorite author. He's so...personable.

I remind someone of a Catholic...

Karen mentioned that I remind her of a former roommate. But not in the bad way, which was good to know. Although this is apparently why her ex hated me - I reminded him of her. Except of course that the former roommate is very very catholic and...well I'll wait for y'all stop laughing.

*patiently waits*

Everyone done now? Super! I got some great photographs tonight, mostly of the cats. I have some great ideas for what to put on the wall above the futon. I need to go through some old shots on my hard drive...but I definately have some good ideas. We'll see how it goes. But I'm feeling more creative than I have in quite some time. Except I'm feeling hella disorganized as well...I really just need some time to sit down and do the hell out of this room. But I everytime I have a few spare minutes, I'm too tired to do anything but relax with a book or tv or something else chill. I'm looking at my schedule...I might be able to do something up in the afternoon of this week. I'm chaperoning homecoming this weekend, so I have a new dress that I can wear. I'm very excited. I've never been to a homecoming dance!

Yes, I'm well aware of how that sounds. But you know, you work with what you can.

Anyway, I should get some sleep before the damn alarm goes off again (way too early).

If anyone has some good cleaning tips for an iPod, I'd appreciate it. And now, I'm off!

G'nite :)

Anagha, you'd make the best sitcom personality.

...so says Lindsay. She said I was quite witty.

It was quite fun to hear, actually. Everyone should at some point spontaneously be told by those they respect that they are quite witty. It is, truly, one of the best things to hear in life.

The ren faire last weekend was BEYOND fun. I got my picture taken with Gawain the HOT and was able to tie up Roderick the sword swallower with the help of Karen. Actually, it was really amusing, because I didn't even want to stay for the show originally - but Austin and Mark seemed into it, so I figured why the hell not. Plus, Roderick? REALLY REALLY attractive. Seriously, check out Leila's blog for more on his hotness. So when he said he needed two "really enthusiastic women" to tie him up in a strait jacket and chains, K and I shared a microsecond of a glance and our hands were in the air faster than you can say "bondage." Roderick had no choice but to pick us, really we were the two most enthusiastic women in the place. I will post pictures at a later date. There are many. And Gawain? Really cute. Additionally, Austin? Very funny gay man. There were some amazing quips that day, that I can't repeat because I'm trying to keep the blog at least PG-13.

In other news...

I read Anansi Boy - Neil Gaiman's newest book. I bought it because, well, it's Neil and I collect his works the same way I collect handbags. Or the way most women collect shoes. It's a thing. Anyway, I was really nervous about starting the book. I just wasn't sure what to expect from the book, and I think I was worried that I was going to be disappointed. And that really colored my perception of the first half of the book. Then I stopped worrying about it. And fell in love. Anansi Boys is really an amazing piece of work. It's quite funny, and actually shows more humour and range than American Gods.I don't collect quotes during my first reading of books, unlike Karen, but I did grab a few. I can't tell you how much I reccomend this book - whether you like Neil's work or not, or if you've never heard of the man. It is, at it's heart, a fabulous story about fathers, brothers, and what happens when you use magic around the son(s) of a god.

She reached into the box and took out the engagement ring. "Hmph. All right," she said. "As long as you're not just doing it to get the lime back."

He sand. In his song, he told them all exactly what he planned to do under the boardwalk, and it mostly involved making love.

Daisy was looking at him as if he was not simply barking mad, but had picked an extrememly odd moment to discover his inner Drifters.

Fat Charlie went back to his hotel room, the color of underwater, where his lime sat, like a small green Buddha, on the countertop. "You're no help," he told the lime. This was unfair. It was only a lime there was nothing special about it at all. It was doing the best it could.

I need Steve to finish the book so that I can talk to someone about it. But more than that, I can't wait to re-read it. Soon. That says something, since usually it takes me a while before I'm ready to re-read a book!

Karen and I just watched The Importance of Being Ernest. It's a movie based on Oscar Wilde's play. I must say this much - I need to get my hands on a copy of the play, because, yes, the movie was that good. Oscar Wilde is awesome...he truly rocks my socks. I mean Colin Firth aside *drools*, the dialogue was witty and beautifully written. No one writes like that anymore! An example?

In matters of utmost importance, style, not sincerity, is the vital thing.

Jack: Actually, I was found.
Lady Bracknell: Found?
Jack: Uh, yes, I was in... a handbag.
Lady Bracknell: A handbag?
Jack: Yes, it was...
[makes gestures]
Jack: an ordinary handbag.

Lady Bracknell, I hate to seem inquisitive, but would you kindly inform me who I am?

Jack: Algy, you're always talking nonsense.
Algy: It's better than listening to it.

A delicious play. A fabulous experience. :) And now I'm off to watch Pleasantville with the roomie, because one must use three-day weekends with frivolity.

Mish mash of stuff

Today has been a mixed day. At best. Lots o fun at IKEA doing some shopping, which just adds to the shopping spree that began with teh 20GB iPod and just doesn't seem ready to end.

OK, with the exception of the iPod, everything else has been stress related spending. Since I'm no longer able to eat Ben and Jerry's Peanut butter cup to try and work out a depressive mood, instead I think I've begun using my credit card. This can end in tragedy.

Last night was much fun, Steve and AUSTIN came over, and really if you want to feel good spend a couple hours in the presence of a flamingly gay (white) man with a big black woman persona inside him. Haven't seen Austin in ages, and really felt good to hang out with him. Erica and then this guy I went to hs with, Aaron, showed up and it was all pizza and ice cream to celebrate Steve's 25th birthday.

I've been having fun lately, really I have been. I have so much awesome stuff in my life...I've got a roommate who is just plain awesome, great friends, an adorable kitten, a good job, and if some of my co-workers need to go away, well that's just the norm for any job. I am taking huge steps to take better care of myself, with results that are clear and obvious. I am truly a lucky lucky person.

So how come I feel like crap?

There is another sitch going on, that really I've removed myself from but it still stings. I'm trying to move the hell beyond it, but how much can I really do about it? How come that being the sane, rational reasonable person only ever gets me a shot in the gut? Isn't being logical about dealing with life supposed to help ensure that you stay on an even keel, or at least average being on an even keel?

And then...

Next weekend I'm going to a Ren Faire with K and her Person Of Interest. Who is also a good friend of mine.

Great, me and a couple. that's just fabulous and will no doubt be great for my general outlook on life. Of course Steve and Austin might come, which'd be great...

So then it's me, a couple, and two gay men. Because really, gay men is who I attract.

Wait, here that sound? Yeah, that's my self-worth whooshing away. Look, I get that no one can be happy all the time, and I get that I need to be patient, and that yes I'm going to get burned on various things, because really this is life and if you're not getting hurt or feeling like crap from time to time you're doing something very very wrong. But really? When your 14-year old student asks why you're not married yet, and all you can think is "well it's because I haven't been on a date in about 2 years, cause obviously I'm not that valued" it tends to put a crimp in your new found optimism.

Being optimistic is HARD. And last weekend I realized that the one person whom I felt proved that there were some really good men out there, had lied through his teeth to me. Yeah, so not so much with the feeling optimistic about things. Even K had to admit that I had every right to just feel like crap.

So, here we are again. *sighs*

So tomorrow I'll get up, clean my room, grade papers, and try to pull together the energy to face another week at work, and another weekend going out and being social when it's really hard to see the point of any of it. And I'll hang out with my friends, knowing that I'm the only one who goes home at the end of it to my cat and a book and not much else. And I'll smile and tell people yeah, I know when they tell me that really it's just a matter of time. And I'll know that in the end they don't know that, they're just saying it because it's What You Say, and That's What's Done. And I'll curl up and go to sleep knowing that I've done what I can and just have to accept what's left, and that when I get up it'll be another day of going through the motions. Cause really, all I got left is Force Of Habit.

I'm gonna go listen to some music and read. And deal.

Because dealing is Habit too.

Boys Suck.

...except my cat. Boys are dumb. That unfortunately applies to my cat as well. And that's about all I have to say about that.

Rum is not a problem. Tequilla needs to be destroyed.

Ow. No, not ow... OW

It was an interesting night, last night was. It...did not go as expected though in a mostly pleasant way. K. had a good time with her "person of interest." I got to know one of my co-workers a little bit better. Linds seemed to have all sorts of fun. And then there was the other thing. And the REALLY funny thing that happened when K and I were in the bathroom. Which led to the other unexpected thing, which was really really really cool.


And if you want the details of these things you are just going to have to ask me. And I might tell you.

In the meantime, there were many drinks that M. just handed me and having not eaten much for dinner drinking them turned out to be...bad. I woke up very unhappy and in pain this morning. The constructor of said pain, M, was on his way to NYC and text messaged me with the general idea that he found the whole situation amusing.


*sticks tongue out at M*

So there that is. I am never touching tequilla again. Ever. EVER. OWWWW. Wasted an entire day, and tomorrow is going to be equally rough I expect. Thank heavens that it is a 3-day weekend - that gives me plenty of time to get my stuff down and still have some time for relaxing. I hope! With the re-start of school, who knows?

Ehren, call me please. I could use some friendly advice :) Or Leila. It's all good folks.

And now I'm off to take some robitussin and pray that I wake up feeling less sick than I do now (in the I want to stop coughing and i want my throat to stop hurting sort of way).

Yay butterflies!

But Why Is The Rum Gone?

A bit how I feel like my life at the moment. Why is the rum gone? I should feel fairly happy - yes true the kids came back but they seem alright for the most part. Life goes on. And yet...

Disconnect. Again. I know, big suprise. I guess for awhile there I was feeling plugged in again, though why I couldn't tell you. Now? Not as such. Which is why instead of going to bed I'm sitting here blogging in code words so that I won't hurt the feelings of those whom I adore.

For a bit there, felt like there were some people who were in the same spot as I...now I feel like it's all gone to pot again. Everyone who I'm close to is at this different spot in their lives, and I can't quite seem to get there. Grr, argh. Instead I sit on the sidelines watching, wondering what I need to do to get in the game. I've had suggestions, but they all feel...not right. Contrary to something pretty deep inside. And even those suggestions are far and few between. I don't want to talk about it anymore, really the only reason I'm blogging is that if I don't get it out I'm pretty sure I'm not going to sleep tonight.

I was in professional mode most of the summer - and when I was there I felt fine. I stopped that and here I am again. I go out...and I feel like I'm struggling to keep from, I dunno, sulking in a corner somewhere. Actually most of hte going out inicdents leave me feeling pretty humiliated. I enjoy them, but I always feel bad after.

This is the part where I should go back to the beginning, and say that while the rum is gone, perhaps the thousand foot signal that burning the vile drink causes will result in the metaphorical rescue ship.

I don't believe that. I'm not being pessimistic...because I haven't lost hope exactly. I just don't have it. It's the absence of even lack of hope that drives people to despair. It's not even apathy, which has negative connotations. Rather, I'm just...existing. Complete removal from everything, and everyone. God I wish I could talk to someone about this. In the meantime, no helpful platitudes no nothing. Going out again Friday, hopefully this night will end without the requisite shame and humiliation.

Yee-fucking-haw.

Kittens, Books, Boxes, and a dash of quiz fun

Busy couple of weeks...you can read some of the shared experiences here, but outside of that let's talk turkey...

I had dinner last Friday with K. and her parents (her brother was there for a bit) and all seemed quite concerned that I would find the whole thing traumatizing. I'm not sure why... Parents seemed to think I'd be offended, K. thought I'd be offended by right-wing opinions, which is ridiculous. Among other things, I dated the "right-wing" computer scientist, and really he's the only relationship I've had which I would actually be willing to put myself through again, so not so much worried with the parental opinions. Oh well!

We found a Book Sale - literally. It was called "The Book Sale." It's like this traveling tag sale for books...very very cool. I got a cook book that I'd wanted, hardcover editions of Neil Gaiman's The Day I Swapped My Dad for Two Goldfish and The Wolves in the Walls (both of which I was dying to get) and Laurie R. King's The Game, which I've read, but I guess I'm sorta collecting the series at this point...it's just nice to have a full set I suppose. Plus now I can get Ehren to read it...it's really a great book. Did I mention I got all of the above for under $30? And I'm really thinking of going back and getting Legends II, a collection of short stories...but I hesitate because there is really only one story I want out of there...the rest would be deadweight...on the other hand, it's pretty inexpensive for the whole shebang, so you gotta wonder.

OK, so enough with the books. And I'm gonna ignore the boxes that still surround me, because that's more fun then, well, dealing with them.

KITTENS!

Yup...I finally got a cat. His name is Hob, and as you can tell by pictures, he's an orange/white tiger. He is cute...but has a slight upper-resp thing, so he sounds a little like Darth Vader. Except a wimpy Darth...he's about 13 weeks old, so he's pretty tiny. And cute. Really really cute. But you can see that in the pictures. :) The URI is amusing in that we have to give poor Hob amoxicillian twice a day. K holds him, hog tied, while I drop the pink stuff (it's the same stuff down to the bubblegum flavor that kids take) into his throat. We know he's getting better because he's started protesting. Loudly and vociferously.
Cleo, K's cat, is not thrilled with the new addition to the household. She hasn't taken a swipe at him...but she just makes really deep growling noises when she sees him, or he's in the room. If she's not growling she's staring at him...it's amusing. He has been doing everything to show he's submissive, but she wants nothing to do with him. He was trying to play with her today...he keeps bounding after her. And I literally mean bounding. He looks like someone put springs under his paws. Cleo, as is evidenced in the picture below, is less than thrilled with this entire development.Actually, here's a shot from a bit further away, you can see the animosity...




"You! Off my planet!"


















The little one, is staring into K's curio cabinet. Which has a mirror in the back. So more precisely, he is staring at himself in the mirror...





"You're so vain...you probably think this post is about you..."

















And, just to round things out...2 quizzes which explain quite a lot about me. Except the one about my sense of humor. I can't imagine where you can get an idea like that about me, really now...

Very Well-Rounded You have: 62% SCIENTIFIC INTUITION and 62% EMOTIONAL INTUITION

The graph on the belowt represents your place in Intuition 2-Space. As you can see, you scored above average on emotional intuition and above average on scientific intuition. (Weirdly, your emotional and scientific intuitions are equally strong.) Your Emotional Intuition score is a measure of how well you understand people, especially their unspoken needs and sympathies. A high score score usually indicates social grace and persuasiveness. A low score usually means you're good at Quake. Your Scientific Intuition score tells you how in tune you are with the world around you; how well you understand your physical and intellectual environment. People with high scores here are apt to succeed in business and, of course, the sciences.

My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 99% on Scientific You scored higher than 99% on Interpersonal

Link: The 2-Variable Intuition Test written by jason_bateman on Ok Cupid

I took the "What's So Funny?" quiz on gURL.com
		My sense of humor is... Sarcastic You seem to prefer brainy under-stated humor, especially when it has a bite. Do you know some people who need to be cut down to size? If so, you probably like sarcasm--a form of wit in which the object of the joke is a victim of ridicule or criticism. Read more... What is your sense of humor?

Surrounded by boxes. Again...

And I'm all moved in to the new place. I have survived and enjoyed the AP institute. I am adjusting to life with one cat, and contemplating getting another one. And, today, we bought fabric for curtains. And crushed red pepper.

I am pleased.

I start back at school on the 24th and have much to accomplish before then. But, I am cautiously optimistic of all things going on there. I still have much to do, in terms of unpacking, but I feel like I've got a good start on that. I haven't accomplished everything I wanted to this summer...but still I've made a dent, and given how much stuff I was doing, I say I've done a decent job. Yay! :)

I don't really have anything else to add...looking at gyms tomorrow (there are two in the area) with Karen...also looking at TV's...if anyone knows anything about such things and is willing to come along as a "technical advisor" it would be much appreciated.

I need some motivation - anyone got an ounce to spare? Let me know!

And I'm off to do some reading, or watch TV or basically enjoy the last little bit of my vacation...later!

Going away

Well, again almost a month has passed between posts...and certainly more than a month has passes since a meaningful post.

I'd love to tell you all the details of my life but (1)I don't have time (2)I don't have the patience and (3)if you were truly interested I've either already told you or you would ask. Stuff actually has gone on...but too much to talk about.

In the interim I'm about to head off for about 2 weeks. I'm moving in with Karen, so yay. But that involves packing and moving which is a big fucking boo. I hate packing. I hate moving. God help me, I don't want to move ever again. New place is nice enough though, so that's bonus.

Anyway, I no sooner move than literally I am off again - this time to the AP Institute. I am not so much looking forward to that, but you do what you have to, and no one will EVER be able to say that I wasn't very productive this summer, professionally speaking.

God, I can't wait until August. Except that August begins the serious countdown to going back to school and I am a bit nervous about that - the whole BEST portfolio thing.

Either way, I'm not likely to be online after tomorrow, so please give me a call, or drop me an email understanding that i won't check it daily for the next couple of weeks.

Also - if anyone only has my cox.net account let me know, becuase that is big time going away. :)

Night all.

First one suprising, second not so much...

Your Inner European is Spanish!

Energetic and lively. You bring the party with you!

Who's Your Inner European?

Your Linguistic Profile:

50% General American English

40% Yankee

5% Dixie

5% Upper Midwestern

0% Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?